Thursday, February 2, 2023

Week Five (2.0)

 I had a home on my route with two dogs that loved to be outside.  The lab loved to bark.  The Golden loved to bark through her muzzle. They'd get all excited when I came close to the house, I'd talk some baby hooman talk to them, cautiously leave the package a safe distance away from the door and return to the route. I delivered the Lab's ashes the day they came to the house. After that the Golden would still bark and be crazy through the gate, but the muzzle was gone.

People don't usually muzzle their dogs unless there's an issue for safety.  One day not long after, I caught the owner out mowing the lawn and asked if she was muzzled because she and the other dog used to fight. He laughed and said, "No, she's muzzled when we're not out because she's eating rocks.  She had to have a thousand-dollar surgery to remove them from her stomach."

I decided to archive my last post. I shared this story instead to remind us all that no matter how it looks on the outside, there's still room for misinterpretation. From the outside, written only from my prospective in a raw, unfiltered media, I can see why my post stirred concern.  I assure you all that I am not blind to who my son is, or what could happen. I am watching carefully. His drug of choice is not alcohol, it is pot, which typically doesn't provoke violence.  In his endeavors to get healthy he has cut way back on both his nicotine and marijuana vices. He also has come back to eating healthy and gluten free. I mention this because he has a neurological condition in which the gluten leaches into his brain and acts as a dopamine.  When it is removed (typically for three weeks after) the brain misfires like crazy until the pathways reestablish. Since he's removed the gluten obstruction as well as the pot haze, while his logical frontal lobe is functioning better, his rear lobe that controls impulse its firing off like a jack rabbit running from a wolf.

In addition, he is still going through therapy several times a week, similar to his own specialized outpatient treatment. He can, if he chooses, get access to the correct medications through her. As the band aids are ripped off, he internalizes things, picks away at the wounds, and is struggling to heal. He's going on his own to these appointments, despite them not being convenient.  He's reached out to his mentor despite his frustration and angst. He is still not associating with people that should not be in his life. And he has not, thus far, fallen back into old habits. Change is hard, and he is still struggling to face it.  I believe he wants to feel better, his brain is just a mess of impulse and logic. And, at only twenty years old, it's a lot to manage.

On the other note, the Hubs and I have talked, loudly, and logically, and his target date is November first.  After speaking with the retirement advisor, I do feel a tiny bit more comfortable with his decision. We are going to sit down and see where we can save money on his bills, as he carries many of the variable expenses like food, dog care, car insurance, etc. Provided we have accounted for the yearly costs of some bigger bills being tucked safely in the bank, we should be okay. We're giving up the vacation this year, which I am fine with, and are looking into banking some of his vacation time to be paid out as an after-retirement bonus check.

So, I'm going to give it some time to work itself out focusing on the next 13 days before my surgery. I cannot control everything, nor do I want to. Until then, I'm going to go get myself a cookie, and I'll see y'all in week six.




10 comments:

  1. I don't know if I read that post, but if anyone is giving you a hard time about your son . . . well, I know you're doing your best. If he were violent, I'm sure he wouldn't be in your house. Hey, will you please email me your address? I'd like to send you a card while you're recovering.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No hard time, just concern. I emailed you. (((HUGS)))

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  2. Things sound much more hopeful. Was just very concerned for you. Apologies from a misinterpreter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My writing often reflects my moods. I was very frustrated when I wrote the first. I sent you a private email, I hope you received it. I so, SO, appreciate your concern and care for me. Absolutely no need to apologize.

      Delete
    2. Received and responded to. *much love*

      Delete
  3. Understand completely. The dog thing would have messed anyone up. In fact, here's an amusing story on the same kinda line (sorta). Yesterday, do to the corporate meeting (which involves food, and thus lazy workers in the afternoon) and being ahead on production, we were going to get off early. When I found out for sure, I texted Laurie with the news. Simultaneously, Laurie was texting with Doordash about her lunch, and my text and their response came at the same time. She was by then messing with some game, and the Doordash message pops up. Normally, she has such and such time to hit "mark as read" and go on with her business. But if she's not quick enough, she gets a set of pre-packed responses to send. So the Doordash comes up, just as she goes to hit 'mark as read,' it changes, my text comes in, and she emds up sending a response of "Yay!" to me without ever knowing I had even messaged her! I got home and wondered why she was surprised I got there, when she told me, "Yay!" After she showed me how it could happen, I told her, "You know, no one will ever believe this excuse..."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have the crossed text thing often actually, so I totally believe it.

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  4. Obviously, I missed the post before it was archived. And yes, there is always room for misinterpretation. It sounds like he is trying to stay on the right path. And he knows that you are in his corner willing to help him stay on that path.

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  5. So good to hear about your son! I responded via my email to this comment but apparently since you are "anonymous" it kicks back. I'd love to hear your story though!

    ReplyDelete

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