Faking It...

The sun came out today.

Which seems ridiculous to say, since it comes up everyday, but today it was OUT.  It was shining. The car dash reported it was 70 degrees. It felt awesome.

With so many gray and rainy cold days here, to have a stretch of 6 with very little drizzle in sight seems unfathomable, but welcome.  I have been grabbing outside things, 3 packs of tulips & daffodils, petunias, potting soil, mulch, etc. on trips out for necessities.  Slowly hoarding them for when the weather turned. Our state is still in lockdown mode, so getting these things is proving challenging if I want to have minimal contact with people.

Today was the day it would all go to use.  The husband ripped out the rhododendron out front.  With the removal of the trees in the yard, and the bad trim I gave it a few years back, it just never recovered.  We replaced it with a rebellious hydrangea which had just planted itself randomly in the garden a few years back.  It was tough to get out of his current home and into it's new one, and if it doesn't make it that's okay.  It didn't cost us a dime.

We planted the flowerbeds with white wave petunias, a random royal blue tiny creeping flower I found, and if I can get lucky enough to find them, I'll add some black petunias as well in a week or two.  School colors for the boy. A show of solidarity and celebration for the Seniors this year, since there will be no parties to speak of.  The husband was busy while I was at work as he also removed and cleaned all of the window boxes.  I'm thinking simple potato vines and dark coleus, just keep it simple.  With no trees, the full sun is tough on them.

We wait for Monday when a decision will be made for graduation. Third term closed for the year and so far Youngest has gotten a PASS in 3 classes of his seven, which is good.  The rest have not posted.  I am sad and frustrated that we do not know what will happen or if the date will be moved, as I need to give work as much notice as possible, and the summer Saturdays are filling up quick. But I respect the decision of the superintendent to tell NO ONE before the Seniors, not even the teachers.

So for now, I am going along as if it's all going to be okay.  I need to feel normal.  I ordered Youngest some College swag... a sweatshirt, and decals for the car.  All the things he would have had already if his accepted student day had not been cancelled last month. I *adopted* a random Senior from his class to treat with special surprises from now to graduation.  I do not know her, but she's heading to Oldest's college, so I ordered her some swag as well and am working on a fun pillow for her dorm. This way I can celebrate someone else from a distance, without knowing their struggle.  I put Youngest up for adoption as well, and he was picked within the hour by another mom I do not know.  I am excited to see what comes his way. I just want to celebrate him as my son, not as all of the things I shouldn't be celebrating about him right now, which is what I'm telling the husband when he makes off handed comments, or jokes that aren't funny anymore.  I just need to celebrate how far he's come and not the challenges we're facing.  My husband just isn't getting that.

Oldest, on the other hand, opted to not take the PASS/FAIL option for second semester. His grades have posted already.  He got a 3.57 and made the Dean's list.  I seriously can not be prouder. With the change in weather he's actually talking about normal things as well. Taking the kayaks out on the pond.  Going for ice cream. Going back to the dorms in the fall.

Normally my mantra is Face It 'Til You Make It.  Because only when we face our demons can we truly overcome them.  But right now, faking it seems to work just fine.  Our demons are unpredictable and undetermined and they are hard to face down.

So this week, we're faking it.  And that's just fine for me.