With Distinction....

Somewhere around February Oldest had a breakdown thinking he was going to fail one class this semester, something about concrete structures?, I don't know.  Anyway, he was a mess.  This of course led him down the rabbit hole of having to spend a ton more money and time finishing up his degree. 

In March, the company he's been working for 90 minutes from the house (one way) made him a job offer to stay on after graduation. They counterered back and forth for a bit and the end number wasn't enough to allow him to move out that way and pay his student loans. So now, on top of the potential failure, he had to find a new job. 

At the start of April, overwhelmed, he took some time off to finish some assignments, work on exams and generally reclaim some mental health time. I asked him if he had seen any of his grades.  He mumbeled something and said it was "fine". He worked on his resume, interviewed with two companies close to home, and waited to hear. The first offer came in solid, benifits that rival my federal ones, and an overall good atmosphere.  Thinking he'd take it, he attended the second interview out of courtesy, expecting them to not match the other company's package. Except they matched it, and came in 18K higher. 

Having tallied his student loan debt, his car payment, and his incredibly healthy (aka expensive) eating habits, the Mom in me screamed TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN but he did not. Instead he countered the first company, who came back within 2K of the second company's offer, and offered 5K per year for the next 6 years, tax free, towards his school loans. Needless to say, his starting pay is more than what 25 years in the Federal government get you.

With a job secured, he kept plugging away, freaking out over surprise last minute papers and oral presentations. 

Last week I asked if his grades were in.  

No. They post after graduation.

Then how will you know if you're graduating?

It's fine. *eye rolls* I'm going to graduate.

Saturday we headed into the big city in the pouring rain, traversing the campus one last time, found our seats, and watched him cross the stage one last time, as he recieved his Masters in Civil Engineering,

With Distinction.

Apparently, the boy who insisted he would catastrophicly fail two months prior, graduated in the top 10% of his class.

With Distinction Indeed.

Fresh Starts...

I was given another old trunk by an old friend of my husband. It wasn't in the roughest shape, but it definitely wasn't useable. I began the stripping down process months ago in the hopes that I would be able to give it to my nephew for his High School graduation in June.  Last week I finished the cedar lining and the polyurethane on the trunk, and today I sealed the tray.  The finishing touch is the trunk lid which will be lined with his gradfather's old flannel shirts, quilted together. They are very close, and someday, when my Dad is gone, it will be nice for him to have them in his legacy trunk along with his scout gear, hockey jerseys, cap, gown, and diploma. While I have gotten rid of the musty smell from the orignial paper lining, and the deep down greasy dirt of the oil cloth exterior, many of the flaws are still visible.  The patent on the lock, which had been cut, goes back to the 1860's, and rather than replace it, I polished the brass highlighting it. The flaws give it character and tell the history of where it's been. 

About four years ago, before they were insanely popular, I bought a Blackstone flat top grill. Being cast iron it was very expensive, but came preseasoned, which was great becasue I literally knew nothing about cast iron. Fast forward four years, my inexperience and laziness has left it a mess, partially seasoned, and beginning to rust. So, in between poly coats on the trunk tray, and after a deep dive of how-to videos on Youtube, I took the grill down to bare meatal and began the painstaking process of reseasoning.  It took about an hour to strip it back, and about two hours to slowly reseason. My neglect took a lot of dirty, hard work to repair. Is it perfect? No. But the surface is slick with no sticky points, and I feel like I can maintain and build on the seasoning over the coming months. 

Last year, in a moment of utter disgust, I decided we needed a better way of keeping the spare rolls of TP in the office bathroom than a half tray on the floor, so I took an old nightstand that my Dad had made and we weren't using, and brought it in. It served it's purpose well for months until one of the maintenence people decided to move it directly under the papertowel dispenser where water dripped on it all day.  The water casued mold, and it deteriorated quickly. A few weeks ago I realized that no one had been moving it when they waxed the floor and it was now anchored to the floor. *insert a loud sigh and eye roll here* With one quick jolt I freed it from it's prison, brought it home, and started the painstaking job of stripping it down.  About an hour into sanding I could hear my dad's voice saying that's never going to come out, but I persisted nonetheless, the whole while cursing myself for bringing it in in the first place.

The day was a slow moving back and forth from project to project, just me and my thoughts, consequences and regreats.

The trunk sat negected for years before someone insisted it be appreciated.

The Blackstone laid shoved aside and uncared for months.

The nightstand was cast aside, it's value disrespected, until someone had had enough.

Kind of like me.

For years I negected myself, putting everyone else first, hiding myself away in the corner. I did not always treat myself well, ignoring small things until they became big things, finding myself in places I didn't belong, for far too long.

Until one day I had had enough. I jolted myself free from the neglect that held me in place for so long, stripping myself down to figurative bare metal, and resasoning myself at my core. No more dark corners, wrong places, or negect. And while some of the scars can never be erased, I am learning to be appreciated, cared for, and to find beauty in the scars my choices have left behind.