Quietly Moving Into 2021. No One Touch Anything...

Does anyone else feel like they blinked and it was December?

It can't be just me.

And yet, here we are on New Year's Eve.  Bonus son is working until 9pm, then headed home so he's ready for work in the morning.  Oldest is hunkered down in his room, like most days now, fully engrossed in video games *cough* not looking for a job. sigh  Youngest, much to my dismay has headed over to a friend's house, a term I use loosely, for the night.  He is supposed to stay there.  He did not drive.  I will be picking him up around 8 am so he can sleep off whatever his night entails and be ready for work at 2pm. 

I made a comment about how I resented that he made it feel like we weren't good enough to spend his night with.  He said he "doesn't like when I put words in his mouth, and that I say New Year's Eve is overrated, but he doesn't know that because he's only been out once to celebrate it in his 18 years." He has a point, but I don't have to like it. Parenting is not for sissies my friends.

We have two people positive for COVID in the office.  It was a matter of time really.  Contact tracing has rendered 3 more people out until the 7th, making it very difficult to staff.  I am training a new person which is hopeful and helpful for the office.  So far I'm still feeling healthy, and both employees are recovering nicely.  

The rest of our couch has arrived.  It's quite comfy, and provides a ton of extra seating without taking up any extra space, a huge plus in a tiny home. My sister got me a pillow for Christmas...

The husband agreed to have my ring redesigned for me for Christmas. I had a journey ring for years that was made from a diamond I got in Rome in the late 90's, a promise ring Tony gave me when we first started dating to tell me he was "all in" in '05, and a pearl that the boys had sent a diver down for at Sea World during our first vacation together as a blended family in '07.  Last year, the pearl had become so worn that the prongs started to shift and so, to not risk losing the diamonds, I stopped wearing it.  He redesigned the ring to incorporate my engagement ring, and I was able to pick it up right before Christmas.   

Christmas day otherwise was all about the cleaning. I swear I cleaned the house at least 3 times before I felt like I was making a dent.  For the first time in 17 years I took the day after Christmas off.  It was nice to have the day to put everything away and take the tree down.  They called me at home however to let me know that I needed to work on Monday. The post Christmas 6 day work weeks have begun, and with so many out on quarantine, I don't see it ending soon.  

Oldest decided to move back to the city at the end of the month.  I will miss him terribly but it's what he needs.  I will not miss his yelling at the computer. Not. At. All. I took 5 days off just so I could at least be there which ever day he is told he can move in. Covid still allows for only one parent at the actual move in, and I'm enlisting the Hubs for the manual labor. I can pay for lunch afterwards.

A few days ago the bulb burnt out on our ceiling light over the kitchen table.  Turns out it's a funky bulb and I had to search the Depot for about an hour before finding it.  I tried installing it that night and the whole fixture flickered and then fell from the ceiling. Calling it a sign from the universe that I should woman up and buy the light I've been eyeing for 4 years, I broke down and brought it home. Oldest and I were able to install it, mostly in the dark. It's not perfect, but it will do, and hopefully not fall from the ceiling. 

The husband made several comments about it before it was up, now he's fine with it, mostly because it didn't involve him for installation, and I didn't electrocute myself in the process. None of us can believe how bright it is now.  I also found a dawn to dusk bulb for the front steps while I was at the Depot, well worth the $6, and some $5 LED workshop lights that I've installed throughout the garage. It's really been enlightening over here. <- See what I did there?  

So that's the news from this part of the blog o'sphere.  Nothing spectacular, just moving into 2021 quietly, slowly, not touching anything. Listening to the universe, dodging cooties, and silently praying daily for Youngest that 2021 is a turning point for him. 

What else can we do, right?

The 2020 Annual Family Letter...

Dear Family,

Where do we start on this epic year? 2020's January promise was palatable.  Bonus son closed on his condo. And despite the two day delay, his move in went smoothly. 

February was uneventful until Youngest and I got sick.  A weird cold, with extreme fatigue and high fever.  Youngest was better for a few days and then the fatigue really hit.  An err in judgement the night before regionals landed him in the hospital.  Asleep at the wheel, he rolled the car on the highway.  Lucky to be alive, he wrestled 6 hours after discharge in Regional Sectionals and placed 2nd in his weight division. Seems like a life time ago now.

March was Youngest's 18th birthday.  We went to dinner with his friends at his favorite steakhouse.  Twenty minutes after we came home the governor shut everything down. And just like that, people's world stopped spinning, while our world spun faster. While others stayed home, left alone with their thoughts, they cleaned, purged, wallowed, and lamented, we went out, worked harder, faster, ignored our own thoughts, and were left with no time for anything else.

13 years of school was upended in April, traded for 40 hour work weeks, face to face with an unhappy public, for things and policies out of Youngest's control. Oldest's first year of college, left dangling and uncertain.  Unplanned, unprecedented, his struggle was palpable, loud, and heard round the house from the kitchen table. 

By May, High School was abandoned altogether, and college was wrapped up with stress and trepidation.  Both finished with GPAs over 3.5. Trying to control what I could, I made and donated over 400 masks to workers in every field. I never took a dime, but quite literally worked my fingers to the bone, and wasn't able to sew for months after from the hand pain.

In June formal traditions abandoned, in lieu of a drive through graduation. Perhaps the cherry on the top of it all, graduating with the dog by his side, Youngest's struggle was more than evident, and the fall was inevitable. Parties on hold, gatherings came at a cost, everything became a game of what you're willing to sacrifice. The hubs uneventfully turned 54. Individual cakes were handed out during a backyard party. 

The youngin's spent all their free time on the beach in July, while the old worked harder and longer days than they should have.  Science evolved, and then it didn't.  People grew tired and got lazy, mistakes were made, accidents happened. The private, personal fireworks happened all month long, a casualty of surrounding towns cancelling their events.

The August heat bubbled everything over.  Oldest was staying home, commuting to school that may or may not happen.   Youngest's choices caught him, leaving the new car another pile of twisted metal.  He left for dorm life, the choices followed him, and the consequences were harsh.   

Oldest could not escape the drama of consequences left behind in Youngest's wake, his whole first month of school upset by the events that followed.  Youngest was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, locked up in his affectionately called "nut house", unmedicated, cell phone less, and sober it was probably the first time since March that he could think clearly.  He rediscovered his love of apple and orange juice while there, an odd, but quirky perk from a bad situation.

October found us on a quick birthday vacation, local and easy.  Forty six. How did I even get here? Upon our arrival home I finally broke down over chicken risotto, or lack there of, and my world unraveled. Funny what finally sets you over the edge. The husband was hospitalized overnight for heart and lung issues.  He was alone.  I could only drop off clothes and books at the desk. It was isolating and scary. He had a inflammation around his heart and lungs, unexplained, but curable. 

Oldest turned 20 in November. The husband was finally diagnosed with stage 3 Lyme after not being able to breathe for months. Old, shoved aside emotions reared their head as his mother's estate finally settled. We received notice that Youngest's choices from July continue to haunt him now, well into next year. The dog has a UTI, that's now resistant to two different antibiotics, but on the upside, my floors have never been cleaner.

Which brings us to December, facing the biggest snow storm in years, catching yet another pee sample from the dog for testing, with half a couch in the living room and a tired soul.  Youngest's game of chess is exhausting, and his two steps forward, side stepping back, is dizzying.  Oldest finished his semester with grades yet to be seen, and has committed to leave for the city in January regardless of cost.  My housing refinance fell though because of paperwork required by my original bank, which would render too costly and because of COVID, impossible to produce. This is the same refinance that has prevented me from securing a cosign for Oldest's tuition, thus forcing us to get creative. 

There are two weeks left in this year of years. While I remain hopeful, for 2021, the bar is low, really low. God willing if New Year's day will find us all sliding in sideways with a candy cane in one hand and cocoa in the other, with no sign of corona, I'll be happy. But more likely, if we are all still alive and completely asleep by 10pm on New Year's Eve, I'll consider it an epic win.

Until next year,

Juli

Checking In...

 

Saw this on the book of faces.  (Yes, I'm back on, don't judge me.  At least now I know I can walk away.)  I sent it to Youngest, since his manic episodes have led to much shopping (and more recently returning).  It's the compulsive click to feel better, and then, well, he doesn't. 

Him: "It will be here in a month."

Me: "Good thing Alaska doesn't use her kennel."

Him: "It's the perfect place"

 Things have been slowly getting better.  I am almost afraid to say it aloud because when I do the backslide is inevitable.  He has court on Thursday (Edit: HAD court, it was continued, his lawyer feels it will be better for him to not be virtual.) and we went to my friend's house to get him a hair cut.

Her: "So what look are we going for today?"

Him: "Not guilty."

Ultimately the consensus is that things will work out fine.  Just kind of stinks that he can't resolve it before the holidays.  But for now, he's moving on to the next thing, finding a car.  He's started working part time again, and doesn't hate it.  We went to breakfast the other day with my Mom.  His appetite is less than acceptable.  I asked him if it was the stress of court or if it was something else.

Him:  "Well, my life's kind of like a house fire right now, and all I've got is a squirt gun to put it out. But, I've let people know they need to settle what they owe me.  I figure then I can upgrade to a super soaker."

THIS is Youngest.  This, off the cuff, quick as a whip humor that I missed so much.  He's struggling still, yes.  But There's tiny, tiny, steps that say he's working through things.  He confessed a guilt to his girlfriend tonight, they broke up... again.  Not sure what's going to happen there, but just because she's good to him, doesn't mean she's good for him.  And all relationships end, one way or another.

Oldest is just about done with his semester.  I believe he starts finals this week. All I know is that this online hybrid thing sucked and he's headed to the city in January.  He's back with his old roommates in a luxury high rise dorm that he'll never be able to afford outside of college. It will be easier for him to study with his groups and learn immersed in the college experience, it's just a hefty price tag to pay.  Though, I'm mid-refinance on the house so my co-signing for him has gone wonky.  I have options, just not sure I want to use them yet. 

The hubs is on another run of antibiotics since the first one barely touched the Lyme symptoms.  Holiday is on us and we're both stretched thin which doesn't help. The dog is on the mend though, her uti seems to have cleared up nicely and while we still put them down, the pee pads are only utilized one of 5 nights now.  Fingers crossed she's good to go, because giving her pills has become an all out game of chess, and I have no idea how to play chess.

Hubs and I picked 2 things we wanted this year.  I dropped off my rings at the jewelers yesterday for the redesign I wanted. Today I picked up the new couch that Hubs wanted...

Well, half of the couch. We would have had to make two trips anyway and we already took the other couch out.  Rather than wait another week, we took what they had.  Seems the distribution center shipped out 2 lefts by mistakes.

Well played 2020, well played.

Thankful For The Little Things...

I started the day with making an omelet. 

For the dog.

I ate half, but the other half became the super sneaky way to get her to take her newest run of antibiotics. Excessive?  Yes. But she's crazy smart that one, and you can't even fool her with the same food each time, and it has to be time of day appropriate.  Like I can't hide it in a hot dog at 8 am. 

So I made an omelet. 

The girl has been having accidents every night at midnight. Coupled with excessive thirst, we took her to the vet as both are unheard of for her.  After chasing her through the neighborhood with a clean, fettuccini alfredo take out container, strategically catching pee, analysis shows bacteria galore.  But of course, she didn't respond to the easy to give one tablet a day antibiotic.  Nope.  Now she needs the huge one that smells funny so it's virtually impossible to hide.  Good times. Still, I am thankful we were able to get her to the vet and had the money to get her what she needs.

Thanksgiving was quiet, uneventful, and honestly, awesome.  I miss my parents but we can see them in a less chaotic setting later this month. I made two pies, turkey, potatoes, carrots, you know the basics. The kids were home for the most part, and Youngest made some attempts of being part of the festivities.  He's having a tough week.

We met with the lawyer on Monday as he a poor choice he has to account for from the summer.  For now we are hoping his character before the whole world unraveled will work in his favor and he can get a probation of sorts. It sucks, but accountability is a  huge part of being an adult, and hopefully this can be a catalyst for the change he needs. 

Last Saturday we spent the night on the side of the highway offramp waiting for the tow truck driver.  He was overzealous with his "new" car and the engine blew a head gasket.  Not much you can do to come back from that, so I spent Wednesday arranging to scrap it. Sucks that he's only had it a month, and he's put so much time and work into it, but it happens.  In the past I would have directed him on what to do, but instead I asked him if he wanted to handle it as an "I" thing or a "we" thing.  He asked me to handle the salvage and he'd look for a new car.  He hasn't looked at all yet, and I'm not looking for him.  If I don't push him, it puts him in control, which is something he says he wants, and I know he needs. 

He broke up with his girlfriend yesterday. I liked her, but he says he's just not ready for forever right now.  Which is a huge forward step. He's bummed about it, second guessing himself, but he's talking to me which is hard for him. I'm trying to listen and not judge, which is hard for me.

The core friends are all home for break, most until January.  The neighbor comes over everyday.  She's encouraging him to get clean. He's been out several times with his mentor, which he really needs.  He's filling out an application or having an interview daily, which is key for him moving forward, he's processed all his Amazon returns, and seems to have stopped most of his impulsive shopping.

I know better than to be excited, or even hopeful, but for today, I am thankful for the tiny steps he's taking. 

Bonus son stopped by for turkey.  It's the first time we've seen him in a month. Despite the 17 hour work day yesterday he's doing okay, which is something we are very thankful for.  We swung over to his condo the other night to drop off a Christmas gift we had picked up for him while he was at work, so today we had the "you can't live like that" talk. Pizza boxes, half eaten food, bags of recycling cans in the kitchen, etc. The hubs took the trash out for him, I knew better than to go in. My OCD would have kicked in and we'd have been there all night. We're getting him a new toilet (and likely tiling the floor) for Christmas.  Because nothing says Happy Holidays like a brand new potty. 

Oldest is trudging through his last few weeks of school.  He quit one of his jobs and is looking for something he can work through January when he goes back to the city. We are 80% sure he'll be returning to the dorms in January.  He needs the break from the chaos here and he needs the support of the study groups and his friends. While I'm not loving the price tag of in city living, it's his choice. 

The decorations went on the tree today. The boys unpacked the box of ornaments collected from every trip we've taken and photo ornaments of moments throughout the years.  It was nice seeing the memories get sparked as they were placed on the tree. Which makes me the most thankful of all, that we have had all those moments together. And that for now, we are still able to make more. 

The struggles have been very real lately. 

But our survival rate so far is 100%. 

And that is something to be very thankful for. 

Forty Six Days & Counting...

The verdict came in on the Hubs mysterious illness.  It only took 3 blood tests to get an accurate positive result for Lyme disease.  It seems his symptoms would indicate that he's had it for quite some time.  He's at least at stage two, if not stage three. He's also seasonally sick, so living here is just.... awesome.

Youngest is/was sick. I was sick for 2 days, got better, and now I'm sick again.  Youngest has been in and out of the house more than a bit, going to a Halloween party on the 31st, and by the 9th he was sick. And then I was sick on day 10, the Hubs on day 11.  Do you see where this is going?

Hubs went for his COVID test yesterday. Oldest had his on Friday and it's already come back negative, so that's encouraging.  If Hubs comes back negative then we'll know it's just a cold, par for the course this time of year.  If it doesn't then we're all sticking together for another ten days which will be so much fun, considering we have next to nothing in the fridge.  

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I put the tree up this weekend. And before all the naysayers pipe up here let me tell you, I spent a lot of money on a Balsam Hill two years ago, on a deep discount, after holiday sale, and with only a 4 week season this year I feel like I'll never be able to enjoy it.  I also know that in order to get it just the way I want it I need to do it in stages so I don't hate the whole experience, and end up in a pile on the floor, ugly crying into tinsel.  Youngest helped me actually get it together, and I picked away at getting the ribbons and crystal sprays on for the base decorations.  Hubs and I finally picked out a semi tacky star for the top this year since everyone (except me) thinks my porcelain angel is creepy.  Something about eyes that stare though your soul, blah, blah, blah. The rest of the ornaments won't go on until after Thanksgiving dinner.  And since it's just us this year, everyone will be around to help. 

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I'm experimenting with alcohol inks on glass. I've got some ornaments and candle votives drying right now.  We'll see.  I do like the randomness of it, the staining of my hands, not so much. I have a knitting project still on hand if a quarantine is in order and a sufficient list of Christmas gifts that can be researched, clicked, and shipped if need be.  I still can't believe that we are down to the last six weeks of 2020.  It feels like a lifetime has passed us by, months we have missed out on, seasons left unappreciated.  Crazy. 

I've also decided to refinance the house.  I can go to a 15 year mortgage, pay the same amount I am now and actually pay the house off in 13 years, at 59. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous about this.  Its' not like I'll lose the house if it doesn't work out, I'll just keep going the way I am, and have for the last 15 years. It's weird, as open as I am about things, it's feels like an invasion of privacy.  I mean, these people could find out how much money I spend on ice cream if they wanted to. It's not stressful, just...weird. 

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The shining spot in our tiny lives has been contact from a lawyers office out of Rhode Island.  To keep a long, sorted story incredibly short, hubs was a cosigner on his mother's house.  In the 5 years before she passed, he paid the mortgage so she wouldn't have to go back to work.  When she passed in 2015, his brother refused to allow him to sell the house and we let it go. The entire family went separate ways.  Now, five years later the house was sold and there was a surplus of funds. Hubs, being a cosigner on the note, was due the full amount of the surplus, which presented a HUGE moral dilemma.  Take the money, or split it with a brother who essentially doesn't acknowledge his existence.  

In the end, I did what I felt was the right thing, presented the will, and they are sending him a check shortly for his half. Thankfully, Hubs got everything sent off Thursday before he got sick.  This could be the first year I don't have to work 100 hours of overtime to make the Holidays happen.  Course, I will still work them, because I have no choice, but it would be nice to just tuck that money away for a change. 

It's a bittersweet thing.  The money is a huge help to us right now and offers the security that she would have wanted us to have, but it is the end of his life before, the last band aid to rip off.  Thankfully it's all being done independently, through the mail. No contact with his brother or that horrid woman he chooses to spend his life with. Most of the money will go in the bank of course, because both of us feel like huge changes are coming for the post office in January.  He'd like new couches, and I'd like my journey ring fixed so I can wear it again. His mom was a big fan of scratch tickets.  Not that she played much, but every Christmas we all got one to scratch on Christmas Eve.  We decided to take a bit of that money and get everyone one last Vovo present, to celebrate her one more time, on Christmas Eve, her 83rd birthday.

I keep thinking it's time to write my annual year in review letter for close family.  But with the year everyone's had, where would we even start?

46 days and counting....

Hanging On By A Glass Spun Thread....

My son is a pot head.

I have struggled with this for a long time because this is not at all who he was 2 years ago. He was behind the curve in everything, technology, social media, video games.  He'd have rather gone camping with his friends, exercised, or read a book.  That all changed of course when the first substantial girl friend came along, introduced him to Instagram, Snap Chat, Vapes, Dab Pens, and the like. If I had to pin point it all, it was that manipulation, the intrusion of social media, the pressure of peers and wanting to appear older (she was a Senior, he a Junior), and of course how badly she treated him in the end, that began the downward trend. 

He was so healthy, watching every calorie, religiously working out.  And today, he struggles. In the last few years they have legalized pot for recreational use here (over 21) and for medicinal use (18 and over).  He has an underlying mood disorder that we are trying to address with medication, and of course, nothing works as well as the pot for him. But you can't drive a car and smoke.  Or weld a joint after smoking one.  Or, repair the damage you're doing to your frontal lobe before it's fully developed.  It's hard to get him on board with pharmaceutical medicines when they all take so long to work, and he doesn't even remember what it was like to feel good in his own body. 

It's frustrating at times.  He's still on his base meds which are working well.  They stave off the depression, the worthless feelings of wanting to die, and the lack of wanting to shower or be motivated in anything. He's weaning himself off his manic meds though, claiming they inhibit his appetite.  It's been 4 days on half a dose, he's already left the oven on twice, is showing lack of focus, and has had an uptick in recklessness.  And, of course, the pot use is increasing.  We have an appointment with his med doctor on Wednesday.  She wants to try another manic drug, I'm not so sure that will be a good fit for him.  I'm inclined to try him on one that worked well for his father when he was in his twenties, hoping the genetic component will be a useful tool in getting the combo right.  But it's hard when things go well and he pulls the plug on them.  The self sabotage is painful to watch.  The self medicating is scary.  It's so hard to even get him to take a multivitamin again, let alone one that may give him unwanted side effects. 

I tell myself that just because he's 18 on paper, that doesn't make him 18. That he's working through things at his own pace and that this will pass in a few years.  I believe that if I put that out there it will happen, because if I put out there anything different it's like wishing for the worst to happen. It's pathetic really, how much I want to connect with him, and stay connected. 

When he was young he did Karate.  We spent 6 nights a week at the dojo. When he wanted to be a Boy Scout, I became the Treasurer, the Advancements Coordinator, and eventually the Committee Chair. When he wanted to read, I bought him every book, even read some of them after he was done. When he wanted to be obsessive about his eating, we bought him a scale, and learned about macros and food combinations. We have a full gym in the garage for on demand workouts. When he wanted to wrestle, we used up personal time off at work, went to every meet, drove 2 hours 4 nights a week off season so he could train.  Those car rides are still some of my favorite memories, the wrestling funk, not so much.   

His newest endeavor is making bongs.  It's not illegal to make them. Heck you can buy them on Amazon. He enjoys crafting ones for friends, himself, or anyone really, because he thinks they are cool. There's a kid that graduated from his high school a few years ahead of him who makes 6 figures blowing hand crafted ones.  Six figures in his twenties. *sigh*  So of course, his newest endeavor is glass blowing for this specific purpose.  

Part of me wants to condemn this.  All of this.  But where will that get me?  He will just close off, he will spiral deeper into things way worse, and I will never be able to reach him. But in truth, when he's out in the garage crafting his glass, he's spending more time making them than smoking from them. So, not unlike how he started Karate when I was afraid of what he'd be like with ninja skills, or wrestling with all the cheap shots to the head and ligament injuries, I enrolled both of us in a class.

It's horribly addictive and way harder than I thought it would be.  Glass is heavy my friends.  COVID, of course, prevents any type of blowing to be done, but hot molding of glass, and learning the basics is still fair game. And the best part?  The studio happens to be right behind Oldest's school.  We can literally visit him once he's back on campus, take a class, and Oldest can pick up our finished pieces for us.  We made pumpkins...

Next month, it's Christmas ornaments for the tree. Perhaps after that we'll be able to learn some basics in blowing.  Sometimes the hardest part being a parent of an adult child is understanding that you don't have to agree with them, or even like the end goal, but if you can find that one common thread within it you can stay a part of what's going on, and hopefully guide them forward in small subtle ways.

Even if that's the thinnest most fragile of glass spun threads.  

The Best Election Results...

 Twenty years ago I lived in Broward County, Florida.  I remember that election well because the whole country waited on the results for over a month while our county, Miami Dade, etc. were recounted because some old folks couldn't punch their cards hard enough, resulting in the infamous hanging chads heard about far and wide throughout the country.

I didn't vote in that election, but I assure you there was literally nothing else on the hospital TV the week that followed.  Yes, I chose the very unamerican route of being in labor in a hospital room rather than a polling booth. Although, the mess in the polling booth would have been far easier to clean up than the nation wide political one.

I waited 32 hours for Oldest to be born. Today, he realized he's going to be, as he says the most insignificant age ever, twenty, in five days.  As the election coverage rolled on, I mentioned that this wasn't the only election we had to wait for.  That he was, in fact, born literally in the center of the last biggest political election controversy, in a long time. 

He was born during a political election, fraught with controversy, and cast his first vote in a political election fraught with controversy.

Making him the best thing that has come from politics for us in the last two decades.

Tales From The Mail truck...

 As I sit here tonight, on 800mg of Advil three times a day, I am alternating between the heating pad and my icy cold fingers to loosen up my shoulder. The political mailing season has been brutal this year.  Combined with the three days of rain, the sudden drop of temperature from 60's to 20's, and the constant sprinkler motion of my left arm while I hit 6 bundles of mail at a time for each of my 650+ mailboxes has set the cotton candy calcium buildup and jagged arthritic texture of my shoulder joint on fire.

The only relief we have gotten from all of this crazy is that Amazon has moved into to our area and is now delivering their own packages.  Typically I get 100-200 amazon packages a day.  Now I get maybe 15-20. Of course, those are the heavy, awkward ones that would make no sense to burden their drivers with, when it still costs just $2.39 for Amazon to ship it through us. And yet, even with the loss of packages I am still getting packages that don't fit in the mail truck.  Thursday I got a fireplace mantel. With the state of my shoulder I didn't even try to get it in the truck, I just knew it wasn't going to fit.  They sent it with an afternoon guy in a completely empty truck.

On Friday it poured all day.  We got on the road early though because of the lack of packages and the day was going pretty well until I got a call that I accidently left 10 packages behind. Since I never do this, they sent the afternoon guy out to deliver them to me, and I only had to back track a bit to get the ones I missed, not bad, but hugely annoying. As the storm got worse, and the temps dropped, I got to the end of a neighborhood and saw a note in a mailbox.

The mantel had been delivered to the wrong house.

The house it had been delivered to had left it underneath their overhang so it wouldn't get wet, but it was in the dirt against the house.  *sigh* So I picked it up off the ground from under the 3 foot overhang, maneuvered the 100 pound 2.5x 8 foot long box and put it in the mail truck, straight in.  Nope.  

Under the tray? Nope. 

Sideways, kitty corner, over the tray? Heck no.

So I'm standing there in the rain, shoulder popping and on fire, and finally made the call.

I drove through the neighborhood with the back door open, mantel hanging out. Never in 17 years have I had to do that. I got to the house, luckily the garage was open, and slid the box safely out of the rain.

With another pop of my shoulder, there was still 100 more stops to go, and the day was just getting worse. My fingers are numb from cold and rain, and at this point I've quit 500 times in my head. But I trudge on...

The snow rolled in thankfully after I was off the road.  It made grocery shopping ridiculous, but it was enough to keep both kids in and off the road that night. Oldest came home early rom the city, and Youngest was all set with driving in the ice. Saturday's delivery was better, as the sun melted through most of the locks on trucks and collection boxes.  But there was a rush to find what we could of de-icer and in the shadier areas, there were plenty of ice puddles in front of boxes.  

Which brings me to Sunday, still nursing the shoulder, while the husband watches 60 minutes. More election talk is prevalent, everyone speculating what will happen Tuesday. 

I'm just hoping Tuesday doesn't bring more political flyers, snow, or 100 pound packages.

Is that too much to ask?

2020's Got Us All Feeling Like This Momma Alpaca...

 

It has occurred to me that I never did post any pictures of my time away.   

It was lovely. I am convinced that the best time to visit Martha's Vineyard is off season, be it early Spring or late Fall.  While it was a bit sad to see that many shops had not just closed up for season, but for good, there was still plenty open and beautiful sights to see.

We took a car this time.  Being off season it's a piece of cake to get around the tiny streets.  In the summer, it's bike or bus hands down, which can make it tougher to get to the outer parts of the island. We finally made it out to Aquinnah and Gay Head Lighthouse.  The view was breathtaking...

The cliffs are a result of erosion.  Years ago you could hike the edges but not now.  It's far too dangerous and efforts are being strongly enforced to slow the slide into the ocean.  There's a specific kind of calmness to the island off season that just doesn't happen mid summer.  

Because of COVID we had to wait a half hour or so for our table at the Black Dog Tavern for lunch, but the view, and the meal, never disappoint me...

While it was a bit disappointing that many things are restricted because of COVID, the island's response and diligence to preventative measures is extremely reassuring.  Upon entering every shop and restaurant you MUST sanitize your hands, even at the spa I was required to wear a mask for my massage.  I was only permitted to put it down when I was lying face down on the table so I could breathe. Youngest also did not have to wear one while in the pool swimming. Course, he was the only one in the pool at 8pm.  The Hubs found me this great pillow for the couch in one of the shops.  I love it. It says "No Worries" on the other side, but this side is a great reminder for us all, particularly in 2020.

Our most favorite place on the island is Island Alpaca.  If you've never felt alpaca fur you are seriously missing out.  Some of the fur is so fine and soft it's as if you're not touching anything at all. My Mom ordered me some soft deer skin, alpaca lined slippers from the gift shop for my birthday.  They may be my favorite thing ever.  I splurged on some crazy yarn for a scarf. 

The weekend was nice, calm, and relaxing.  Youngest only told me I was "wasting his day" once, at 830 am Sunday morning.  Apparently, he'd been up since 6 am and was bored.  Had I known I'd have met him on the roof for breakfast.  Oldest and I had gone up the night before and checked out the "city" lights below. 

This in the town side.  Once it's dark the ocean side is pretty boring.  But I assure you, there is no better place to see a sunrise or sunset than the roof of our Inn. We ended up coming home on an earlier ferry.  Hubs was still having difficulty breathing which made hiking completely out of the question, and the boys were running out of money and things to do. But for a brief 12 hours or so it was nice to only have to worry about myself.  The boys went antiquing and had a really good time together, which they desperately needed.  The months have not been kind to their relationship, and they really needed this time to spend together to heal some of the damage.  It also helped that their room was HUGE, convenient to the gym and pool, and included a front porch with rocking chairs to take in the island sights. They were also fans of the fuzzy bathrobes.

Coming home was less than awesome as real life is messy, loaded with laundry, and grocery shopping. I went back to work, Hubs went back to work on Thursday and is still muddling through.  Some days are good, others he needs to take breaks to breathe.  

Bonus son isn't feeling great lately.  We are checking on him daily to make sure he doesn't fall off the Earth.  He lives alone, and it's not unusual for us to not hear from him for weeks on end, so if he gets really sick it's unlikely we'd know. 

Oldest got his mid term grades, 4 As, 1 B, one C.  The C is because he missed a quiz.  Hopefully he'll be able to pull up the grade with some strong labs and test grades.  Chemistry is his only "in person" class, so it's plausible he'll make the Dean's list again. No pressure on him though, remote learning is hell for everyone engulfed in it, and sadly it's looking like Spring semester will be more of the same.

Youngest tried a Jujitsu class Saturday.  He loved it, and came home with a black eye.  Unfortunately he can't do the classes because his schedule at UPS is working nights. He asked me today to help him with a resume, and we found a job online as an entry level metal fabricator, and sent his new resume in.  Funny, when he was a Freshman he wanted to do the metal fabrication vocational program, but when the new school opened they discontinued it and he was forced into plumbing. He loved it though and was generally good at it.  We've had many conversations about now being the time to learn a trade that can carry him through.  Hopefully it's sticking with him.  Fingers crossed. he's also 20 minutes from being done with the driver retraining he has to do, and his car finally has plates and insurance. It's a slow and steady pace, 2 steps forward and one step back, but it's movement nonetheless.

As for me, I'm looking forward.  I did some emergency shopping today in case the world goes crazy again next Tuesday. COVID cases are popping up all around us.  Coworkers, family, friends of friends. I may save my scarf project for when I'm inevitably quarantined. Christmas is only 8 weeks away, and with Oldest's birthday is in 2 weeks, I've started looking for the best deals.  I picked this up for my niece today...

 Because who doesn't want a giant unicorn for Christmas?

I know I could use one.

Rumor is they fart rainbows. 

Maybe there will be a pot of gold at the end of 2020, 

instead of what is usually at the end of a fart.

Welcome To Hell, I Seem To Have Forgotten My Handbasket....

If I have 2 apples and the husband has 7 apples, I have the least amount of apples.  But that doesn't mean I don't have apples, it just means I have less apples. Someone really need to explain this to the president.  Saying he's the least racist person in the room, is admitting he's a racist. How no one on his team has explain this to him is amazing to me.

We voted already.  And when I say we, I mean myself, Oldest and Youngest.  We took a Sunday morning, looked up every platform of each candidate running, and made educated decisions based off our ideals.  Some were were aligned with, some we were not, but we voted. I promptly gave our ballots to the city carrier at work who delivers to the town hall so I know it was received the very next day.

The husband proclaimed he will be going in full hazmat suit on election day if need be, or he will come to his senses and early vote tomorrow at the town hall.  My money's on the latter.  He's not a fan of people lately.  He is however, feeling MUCH better.  It took 3 weeks to get the inflammation down around his heart and lungs, but he is definitively on the mend.

This whole election thing has gotten out of control, and we're not in a swing state.  We literally have lines of supporters of both parties on opposite sides of the streets downtown.  Today while I was trying to get out of a side road to deliver to my next box 15 feet away, an organized car parade was going by.  

They saw me. 

They could have easily let me go.  

They did not.

Thirty cars later someone let me out, I got to the box, and then I sat for another 30 cars. Finally someone flashed their lights, which I thought was my sign to go.  

Nope.

Car after car they swerved into oncoming traffic to get around me, until it's clear they can't without risking death, and then for the next mile I am now part of the parade, in the Postal truck, lights flashing for delivery, until I get to the neighborhood I turn off into. The entire time people are beeping at the parade, swearing at them, flipping them the bird. It was hostile. Ugly. Nerve wracking.

Not the way to get votes.  

Not. The. Way. 

I'm praying for y'all in the swing states. 

Those of you who have to walk through the lines of political stumpers. 

I'm not good at confrontation.

And yet I think that's all we have now.

God help us all.

As If It Wasn't Stressful Enough...

 The husband checked himself into the hospital overnight on Monday.  He's been having issues breathing for months and when the fatigue finally hit him hard  he went to have it checked out.  They kept him overnight.  He was bored out of his mind. He tried to escape. They talked him out of it. I did manage to run him a book, which I had to leave at the reception area, because no one is allowed visitors right now. Now, while I understand the COVID restrictions, they really need to take the *husband* factor into things....

Him: "They asked me what medications I was on.  I said none because I couldn't remember any of them."

Me: "But you're on four..." 

Him: "So they think it was caused by an underlying infection."

Me: "Did you tell them you had MRSA?" 

Him: "No."

Me: "But MRSA can lay dormant, and would need a specific antibiotic"

Him: "Well, too late now." 

Seriously, I'm not so sure not allowing wives in to recant medical history and pertinent information to the medical team is the best idea.  Anyhoo...

He arrived home on Tuesday night after a barrage of tests. They scrubbed his brain through his nose for COVID, twice, and turned up negative. When it was all said and done, the lining around his heart and lungs is inflamed.  It's called Pericarditis.   Apparently it's most likely caused by a viral infection that has irritated the lining, and will usually resolve itself with high doses of ibuprofen, except of course, when it doesn't. And of course, it hasn't, so if by Monday he's still not great we'll be heading back to the doctor for the next level of treatment. Hopefully this time I'll be allowed in to sidebar.

Youngest has agreed to try an additional medication to help level him off.  He's still working toward a starter dose on the depression medication, and this new med will help offset the manic parts so he can better manage all that he's dealing with.  He's taken these meds both before and done well with them. Except he was 10 and I was managing them for him.  At 18, he's not so great at it. His allergies have been killing him and he's been running a low grade fever, so he's been taking Zyrtec. On Thursday, he took the next level up on his base med and his Zyrtec at 3pm since he forgot in the morning.  He went to work at 6, and at 10pm when he came home, he took the new med and some sleep CBD.  And then he decided to take his brother's melatonin without looking at the bottle. Apparently his brother takes a fast dissolve 10mg tablet.  Youngest has never taken more than 3mg. Needless to say, he slept like a brick encased in concrete. Then, eight hours later, he took his morning dose of his base med (this part is fine) and accidentally took his new med again (this is NOT fine.)  He was nauseous and later sick... really sick.  Well, duh... (insert face palm here)

So after a serious meltdown about how I'm trying to poison him, he flat out refused to take them.

  *sigh* Ya'll I just can't right now...

Tonight we had a talk, we're cutting them in half, and he's agreed to try them for 2 weeks. Fingers crossed we can get him through the early side effects, because this is ridiculous. 

Oldest has been my saving grace lately.  Helping out around the house, generally showing concern, laying low until his COVID tests came back negative. And while he's had his share of needing Mom's help (like when I had to get out of bed at 6am to fix a payroll issue for him) he's managed to reconfigure the printer for me, take care of his own dinners, and help me with some basics around the house. Don't worry though, he'll still occasionally call me in a tizzy about fixing a spelling error done with washable marker on a shirt he needs for a party... in 30 minutes. You know, just so I don't think I'm all done raising him yet. 

Meanwhile, the husband is home from work.  When I asked him what he had planned to do this weekend while I was at work, he mentioned helping his brother in law stack wood. Like, 27 cords of wood, for the winter.

I asked him if he had the ER doctor on speed dial. 

After a stern look, and an implied divorce if he even thought about it, he reconsidered.

Vacation can not come soon enough...

Bit Of This And That...

I wrapped up a bunch of finances that have been lingering for a bit and the money to do so all hit my account at the same time. Not gonna lie, I went a bit crazy.  I bought steak and toilet paper in the same trip.

2020.

It's make me reckless.

I also bought a mega pack of sharpie markers for work. 

Clearly, I am out of control.

Currently I'm just sitting here in my jammies, under two blankets because I'm too cheap to turn the heat on before Halloween, churning through a small mountain of laundry, while the dog sighs her why aren't we in bed yet?? sighs, and Hubs watches the soccer game on TV. 

Seriously, forty five has never looked so sexy, am I right?

I booked our weekend away and the travel to and from.  Fingers crossed it doesn't rain because it's non-refundable. The hotel has instituted a "2020 clause" in which I can change the dates free of charge, which puts the mind at ease a bit. Pictures will follow I promise, even if they are just of me in a chair with a book in my lap. I love that working Sundays has allowed me to pay for this get away in cash. I may continue to ride the Sunday OT wave while it lasts.

I've been researching front load washers in my spare time. 2020, what have you done to me???  I'm not happy with our current top load one.  I just don't feel like it gets our clothes clean.  Originally I bought it because it doesn't have the agitator in the middle so it could accommodate blankets and comforters. It seemed like a solid idea.  A bottom agitator that would allow for more room and just as much cleanliness.  Turns out, not so much. I'll likely tuck the old one in the garage and eventually donate it via our local buy nothing site or to Habitat.  I hate when a useable appliance goes to the scrapyard. For someone, a functioning, albeit crappy washer, is better than no washer at all.

The boys are in the city this weekend.  Oldest had to work at the college so he headed in early, and I drove Youngest in after his shift at UPS. While I'm a bit of a wreck about what possible trouble they are getting themselves into, I'm reminded that they can get into just as much trouble at home if they wanted to. And, not gonna lie, the peace and quiet is kind of nice.  The weekend has been beautiful here, the kind of weather I want to work outside in. The Hubs and I did some grocery shopping once I got home, and had ice cream for dinner. It's also kind of nice to not have to cook, or think about cooking, for the night. They'll have to lay low from their grandparents for the next two weeks as the contact points for potential COVID infection makes my head spin so it's better to be safe than sorry. Oldest will be tested again on Thursday though so that makes me feel a bit better.

Our state is just over the 1% positivity rate, which given our population and mass transit, is remarkably good.  But you still need to be careful.  I'm hoping the most recent, news worthy case (y'all know who I'm talking about) will result in a positive thing for the country. It could swing both ways really, either leadership FINALLY takes this seriously as a public health issue and encouraging and modeling mask wearing, or the whole thing falls to anarchy and chaos. I am really trying to stay blind to the politics.  I will vote, of course, but we are definitely at a crossroads in this country, and I'm not sure I want to be smack in the middle when it all shakes out. 

But, the political signs are really cracking me up. 

Like this Biden sign:

BYEDON 2020 

And then there's the Trump signs, that suspiciously never seem to include Pence, that say, "NO MORE BULLSHIT."

Which honestly, I just don't understand.  What exactly is the bullshit we're being spared of?  The political back and forth?  The last four years of non conformity? Or is it in hopes of sparing us more bullshit, by a reelection, as if to say the bullshit that has happened the last 4 years will change in the next four? I just don't think that one was well thought out.  

Then there's only one sign I can get behind, PEOPLE SUCK DOGS 2020. 

I'd support putting those signs all over the neighborhood.

 

Changes...

Not sure when it happened, the leaves have started changing here.

Which got me to thinking...

We have 13 Mondays left in 2020.

Maybe the leaves are telling us something.

It's time for change.

For a new season.

For new leadership, be it presidential, congressional, or in the entire way we vote and are heard here in this country.

For the lifestyle that reflects what CORONA was supposed to teach us, to spend more time together, eat around the table, enjoy what we have... home cooked food and toilet paper.

For simplifying our finances, figuring out what we really need, and appreciating the beauty of living where we each live.

A way to change how we communicate, and sort out who is actually important in our lives.

To change the chaos,

To appreciate being able to move freely from state to state and be able to dream of a day when we can leave the county if our heart desires. 

To celebrate birthdays simply.

To take longer walks with the dog.

To change our attitudes about what we can't change.

Because if we don't make some changes, we'll be starting the whole countdown over again in 2021. 

 

Keeping The Faith...

So I logged into FB today after 4 days of disconnecting.

I didn't miss much. 

I posted about the show on Netflix and basically that in four days I have realized how much negativity and lost time it has caused me.  I've been more aware of how much I'm using my phone now. Mainly because I figured out how to pull up my usage.  8 minutes yesterday.  26 minutes today.  Mostly phone calls and text messages.  A few minutes for checking email. Not too bad.  Oldest pulled up his usage for Sunday... just on Snapchat alone, he logged 41 minutes for the day.  If the average interaction was one minute long, that's 41 times he was interrupted from what he was doing.  In addition, he had 147 notifications.  So in ONE DAY his attention was diverted to snapchat nearly 200 times.  FROM ONE APP ALONE. 

Horrifying, folks.  Horrifying. 

In the meantime, I've been doing other things instead of scrolling.

Crafty things.

Catching up on things...

I consolidated some bills.  While it saves me marginally on interest, it will make balancing the bills much easier.  One large payment instead of getting nickeled and dimed throughout the month.  

Youngest had his appointment with his therapist again on Monday.  We have his first med check appointment via zoom tomorrow. It will be tough to work it with my schedule for work, but it is doable. He's open to having me at this appointment, which is good because I don't want him double medicated unless he has to be. It is also clinically time to increase the dose he's currently on, so fingers crossed she allows him to do that.  The dose he was on when he was ten was 200mg a day.  He's currently on 25mg daily at 18 years old. It's a slow medication, but effective for him.  It doesn't change who he is or how he thinks, just how he's able to handle things.  He's got a long road, but he's slowly starting to move forward.  After a LOT of nudging, he's applied for a few jobs, and was hired this morning.  Just part time work, but simple.  It could turn into a career if he'd like, or not.  But it's a starting point none the less. I asked him if he was excited, he said "I'm psyched to not be a bum sitting home all day."

Oldest is struggling to balance remote school and the stress of being home.  Things with his brother have been hard. He got a job with the college on Fridays, and he's got another job pending M-F that will hopefully get going soon.  Not having any money coming in is stressful on him. We did get him a desk for his room to help with the chaos of having the dog photo bomb his zoom classes. We went to five stores before I finally broke down and ordered one online.  It works for the space, and I even accidently matched the floor, so overall it's a winner.  

With the weather turning, I've been walking the dog longer, taking in all of the last bits of summer and the early signs of fall. I've been going to sleep earlier, and religiously using the serum I got from the spa a few weeks back.  I swear my cavernous forehead *WTF* lines are slowly softening. I've been cooking more.  We are eating more meals together.

And I'm tentatively planning a weekend away.  Nothing huge, but I need to reconnect with my husband, slow down, and escape the spin on a dime life we've had lately.  

I went down to get the mail from the mail box the other day.  In a rare turn of evens we had no bills, just a card from a special bloggy buddy who's started mailing love all over the country.  It made my day, even more than finding this reminder in the leaves by the stop sign at the end of our road. 

Disconnection...

Hubs and I watched The Social Dilemma tonight.  

It's a Netflix Documentary, and if you haven't seen it, I suggest you watch.  

Be prepared to be sick to your stomach. 

Even though I knew all of the things they were saying, it still hits home every time I see yet another documentary about social media's influence over our life. In truth, the only social media I have is the book of faces.  While my social media circle is small, in all honestly, it could and should be paired down by about 80%.  I don't have FB messenger on my phone.  I have to wait until I get home to see what someone wants to say to me privately. I have paired it back so much, and yet, I still feel terrible.

While it may seem petty, right now I am having a hard time with how well my friends kids are doing in collage. (I mean I love them, and am happy for them, but I still struggle with it) Or seeing the family weekends planned.  I am still mourning my hopes that College would have been the key to Youngest branching out and becoming who he wanted to be.  I am still aching for Oldest who  desperately wants to be on campus for the whole college experience this year and can't. There are no family weekends to visit planned this year, no spring break trips, or internships abroad. It's a loss and I'm having a hard time processing.

I can't take seeing the posts about people being broke and wanting to get back to work so badly, yet I am delivering three, five, seven packages a day to their doorstep.  I don't care who's birthday it is, or how badly you don't want to go to the store because people are crazy, and I definitely don't want to see that new diamond ring you're sporting just because.  Petty?  Yes.  But I'm over it.

I am struggling with all of the "homeschool" posts.  Yes, it's hard to be a parent and teacher.  Yes, the new formats suck. But imagine how tough it is to be in 3rd grade and having to fight for focus at the kitchen table with 4 dogs and 2 cats rolling about, at a table filled with this morning's breakfast dishes and random stacks of mail. Your kid will never be successful in a difficult situation if you don't make that space just for them. And for the love of God, stop yelling and complaining about it.  Your children feed off your reactions. If you hate it, they will too.

I'm tired of the polarizing political posts. 

And while I'm totally down with God and Jesus, I'm not going to share your picture, say AMEN, or do anything with your come to Jesus post. I am human, and the big guy and I have some things we are working through right now, and I don't need that all over FB to do it. 

I'm tired of scrolling through advertisements, false information flagged posts, and so many reposted memories that it makes me question the mental well being of those posting. Do they not have anything happy going on now that they always have to look back? Repeatedly?  Four times a day?

Youngest was in the mental hospital for 5 days.  It took two days for the heightened anxiety of being connected all the time to even occur to him.  And once he noticed, he said it was awesome.  Freeing.  Relaxing.  There was literally nothing he could do about any of it, so he just let it go.  Five days of disconnection. He called only those he wanted to talk to. No drama.  No pressure. He said it was like a vacation.

Five days later, he's home.  The phone is back.  His stocks have gone crazy. Toxic people have connected.  The results have been bad, borderline disastrous. I try reminding him that he doesn't need to feel this way. That he can control how the phone makes him feel.  That never letting his mind turn off, raises his stress on a subconscious level.  Back in the day, when you broke up with someone, you stopped communication.  They weren't in your face unless you let them.  Social media doesn't allow for the mind to process loss. It doesn't allow for grief. It grows depression and promotes manipulation. Even having it in the room while you're sleeping doesn't allow down time.  Even in sleep mode, the mind knows it's there, and will never get to a deep relaxation, just in case there's another notification. 

I am one of the few people that still writes posts fairly regularly.  Sometimes I post memes, or images, and occasionally I will share a memory. Interestingly enough people comment about this often, that I am one of the few who still uses FB for what it was intended, and that has been what kept me there for the last year or so.

But now... I just don't think it's enough.  I've seen the damage that social media is having on my family, on me. It will be hard, like any addiction is, but I think it's time to back away for a bit.

Realistically though I still need a platform for my thoughts and journaling.  

Kind of like what I already have here.

You're welcome.  Or, I'm sorry.

Your choice.

When Life Takes Us Left....

The girl and I went for a walk today.

We always go right when we're here.

Today we went left.

Over the river and through the woods....

The baby swans are almost grown...

The water level is so low in the town brook that the ducks can't even float down the river...

Living in the oldest parts of the country, you find little nooks and crannies of when old meets new.  Some homes have cast iron signs, others are a bit more casual...

Pops of color when you least expect it...

Making the most of tiny spaces, their own private oasis...

Classic love of the old made new are everywhere here...

Forty five minutes later, up and down the hills of town, we circle back to the other side of the brook...

I eel like this is rhubarb.  It's ridiculously huge. The stalks are starting to turn, but a month ago they were deep red....  The girl is irritated we keep stopping for photos...

This mill was originally built in 1636.  It was destroyed in 1840 by fire... In 69 they rebuilt it as historical as possible, salvaging the stones from other mills from that period. The wheel still turns and it can still grind flour, selling it three months out of the year.  The rest of the year it functions as a historical non profit. 

And that concludes the 45 minute tour for the day.  Feel free to grab a complimentary water and feel free to tip your dog walker.

It's a Magical Place, Casa De Crazy...

Me: "How's it going, aside from wanting to come home?"

Youngest: "Good, I'm running the place.  I started an exercise club.  I learned how to play spades. I'm learning to play the keyboard. And if all goes as planned, I'm going home on Tuesday." 

That was yesterday.  The old meds are out of his system and the new meds are in.  I saw him today for the visiting hour, which due to COVID, is technically only 15 minutes.  I may have gotten a bit extra time since there were only 2 other people who showed up. He's in a wing of 16. It's sad really.

We had a nice conversation, with some tricky moments.  He didn't get agitated, just inserted his stubbornness.  He didn't jump up and pace, just sat calmly.  He talked about his plans to move forward, getting a job, squaring away his license, continuing on his meds with his therapist and new psychotherapist.  He has no interest in going back to the nic-sticks (nicotine vapes) which is really good.  One stick is the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes and does twice the damage. At this point he has no interest in quitting pot, but if he's honest, with the help of the Psychotherapist, he can at least pick strains that won't trigger other side effects.  And with a medicinal card, at 18, he can get it legally, from a reputable shop, and know what he's getting.  He knows how we feel about it, but in the end it's his choice.  All I ask is that he's as smart as he can be about his stupid decisions.

His roommate says this place is like summer camp with drugs. With no cell phones, computers, work, drama, etc., Youngest says he feels like he's on vacation.  He didn't realize how stressful day trading was for him, or always feeling like he had to have enough pot to share.  He confessed he'd gotten to the point where he couldn't tell who was friends with him just because of him, or what he could offer them. Seeing who has reached out has helped put a lot of it in perspective. He's getting a TON of sleep. I was telling this to Oldest and he doesn't know why he'd want to leave, summer camp with calming drugs? I kind of want to go to...

He still blames me, and that's okay.  I can take it. We all just have to make the best hand from the cards we've been dealt.

When I got home, the husband and I planted a hibiscus that needed to go in the ground before the fall weather really sets in.  We did some fall clean up, mowed the lawn. I put the fake pumpkins out.

While I was at the grocery store with Oldest, hubs was supposed to be working through the mounds of laundry we have downstairs. The laundry pile is truly horrifying right now. After a quick nap (I've been beyond exhausted lately), I headed downstairs to grab what he'd finished so far to fold upstairs and throw in what was left. Apparently, his working on laundry just meant throwing towels in the wash and nothing else.  So, I tossed in another load and turned to see the piles of dorm stuff everywhere and the disaster that is Youngest's room.

I haven't been able to bring myself to go down there in days.

An hour later I was well into the clean up. Painstakingly going through every crack and crevasse cleaning out trash, water bottles, and lord knows what else.  I put all his stuff away from the dorm, hung his flags back up, even changed the sheets.  No reason to waste the dorm décor I spent good money on.  It looks great down there now, a comfy place to lay his head, a home.  This of course lead to vacuuming the whole downstairs, and throwing in additional loads of laundry as the cleaning progressed.

When the downstairs was done, I moved into the kitchen.  I put away all the dorm snacks, loaded the dishwasher, restocked the fridge with water and such. I cleaned the table off, opened mail, created yet another bag of trash to be taken out in the morning. I fed the fish and the dog, threw in another load of laundry.

By the time I made it back to the living room I realized that Oldest had gone out and Hubs had gone to bed. Because apparently he gets to live in a world where I'm going to bed actually means you get up off the couch and go to bed. And when you wake up magical fairies have cleaned the house spotless overnight. Those fairies work their wings off let-me-tell-ya.

So, yeah...Just another Saturday night at Casa De Crazy.  

Where the house is magically cleaned overnight. 

Oldest is undoubtedly not bringing me home endless breadsticks from the Garden of Olive. 

Youngest is head of the circus, and we're getting the band back together since we finally have a keyboard player.