Quietly Moving Into 2021. No One Touch Anything...

Does anyone else feel like they blinked and it was December?

It can't be just me.

And yet, here we are on New Year's Eve.  Bonus son is working until 9pm, then headed home so he's ready for work in the morning.  Oldest is hunkered down in his room, like most days now, fully engrossed in video games *cough* not looking for a job. sigh  Youngest, much to my dismay has headed over to a friend's house, a term I use loosely, for the night.  He is supposed to stay there.  He did not drive.  I will be picking him up around 8 am so he can sleep off whatever his night entails and be ready for work at 2pm. 

I made a comment about how I resented that he made it feel like we weren't good enough to spend his night with.  He said he "doesn't like when I put words in his mouth, and that I say New Year's Eve is overrated, but he doesn't know that because he's only been out once to celebrate it in his 18 years." He has a point, but I don't have to like it. Parenting is not for sissies my friends.

We have two people positive for COVID in the office.  It was a matter of time really.  Contact tracing has rendered 3 more people out until the 7th, making it very difficult to staff.  I am training a new person which is hopeful and helpful for the office.  So far I'm still feeling healthy, and both employees are recovering nicely.  

The rest of our couch has arrived.  It's quite comfy, and provides a ton of extra seating without taking up any extra space, a huge plus in a tiny home. My sister got me a pillow for Christmas...

The husband agreed to have my ring redesigned for me for Christmas. I had a journey ring for years that was made from a diamond I got in Rome in the late 90's, a promise ring Tony gave me when we first started dating to tell me he was "all in" in '05, and a pearl that the boys had sent a diver down for at Sea World during our first vacation together as a blended family in '07.  Last year, the pearl had become so worn that the prongs started to shift and so, to not risk losing the diamonds, I stopped wearing it.  He redesigned the ring to incorporate my engagement ring, and I was able to pick it up right before Christmas.   

Christmas day otherwise was all about the cleaning. I swear I cleaned the house at least 3 times before I felt like I was making a dent.  For the first time in 17 years I took the day after Christmas off.  It was nice to have the day to put everything away and take the tree down.  They called me at home however to let me know that I needed to work on Monday. The post Christmas 6 day work weeks have begun, and with so many out on quarantine, I don't see it ending soon.  

Oldest decided to move back to the city at the end of the month.  I will miss him terribly but it's what he needs.  I will not miss his yelling at the computer. Not. At. All. I took 5 days off just so I could at least be there which ever day he is told he can move in. Covid still allows for only one parent at the actual move in, and I'm enlisting the Hubs for the manual labor. I can pay for lunch afterwards.

A few days ago the bulb burnt out on our ceiling light over the kitchen table.  Turns out it's a funky bulb and I had to search the Depot for about an hour before finding it.  I tried installing it that night and the whole fixture flickered and then fell from the ceiling. Calling it a sign from the universe that I should woman up and buy the light I've been eyeing for 4 years, I broke down and brought it home. Oldest and I were able to install it, mostly in the dark. It's not perfect, but it will do, and hopefully not fall from the ceiling. 

The husband made several comments about it before it was up, now he's fine with it, mostly because it didn't involve him for installation, and I didn't electrocute myself in the process. None of us can believe how bright it is now.  I also found a dawn to dusk bulb for the front steps while I was at the Depot, well worth the $6, and some $5 LED workshop lights that I've installed throughout the garage. It's really been enlightening over here. <- See what I did there?  

So that's the news from this part of the blog o'sphere.  Nothing spectacular, just moving into 2021 quietly, slowly, not touching anything. Listening to the universe, dodging cooties, and silently praying daily for Youngest that 2021 is a turning point for him. 

What else can we do, right?

The 2020 Annual Family Letter...

Dear Family,

Where do we start on this epic year? 2020's January promise was palatable.  Bonus son closed on his condo. And despite the two day delay, his move in went smoothly. 

February was uneventful until Youngest and I got sick.  A weird cold, with extreme fatigue and high fever.  Youngest was better for a few days and then the fatigue really hit.  An err in judgement the night before regionals landed him in the hospital.  Asleep at the wheel, he rolled the car on the highway.  Lucky to be alive, he wrestled 6 hours after discharge in Regional Sectionals and placed 2nd in his weight division. Seems like a life time ago now.

March was Youngest's 18th birthday.  We went to dinner with his friends at his favorite steakhouse.  Twenty minutes after we came home the governor shut everything down. And just like that, people's world stopped spinning, while our world spun faster. While others stayed home, left alone with their thoughts, they cleaned, purged, wallowed, and lamented, we went out, worked harder, faster, ignored our own thoughts, and were left with no time for anything else.

13 years of school was upended in April, traded for 40 hour work weeks, face to face with an unhappy public, for things and policies out of Youngest's control. Oldest's first year of college, left dangling and uncertain.  Unplanned, unprecedented, his struggle was palpable, loud, and heard round the house from the kitchen table. 

By May, High School was abandoned altogether, and college was wrapped up with stress and trepidation.  Both finished with GPAs over 3.5. Trying to control what I could, I made and donated over 400 masks to workers in every field. I never took a dime, but quite literally worked my fingers to the bone, and wasn't able to sew for months after from the hand pain.

In June formal traditions abandoned, in lieu of a drive through graduation. Perhaps the cherry on the top of it all, graduating with the dog by his side, Youngest's struggle was more than evident, and the fall was inevitable. Parties on hold, gatherings came at a cost, everything became a game of what you're willing to sacrifice. The hubs uneventfully turned 54. Individual cakes were handed out during a backyard party. 

The youngin's spent all their free time on the beach in July, while the old worked harder and longer days than they should have.  Science evolved, and then it didn't.  People grew tired and got lazy, mistakes were made, accidents happened. The private, personal fireworks happened all month long, a casualty of surrounding towns cancelling their events.

The August heat bubbled everything over.  Oldest was staying home, commuting to school that may or may not happen.   Youngest's choices caught him, leaving the new car another pile of twisted metal.  He left for dorm life, the choices followed him, and the consequences were harsh.   

Oldest could not escape the drama of consequences left behind in Youngest's wake, his whole first month of school upset by the events that followed.  Youngest was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, locked up in his affectionately called "nut house", unmedicated, cell phone less, and sober it was probably the first time since March that he could think clearly.  He rediscovered his love of apple and orange juice while there, an odd, but quirky perk from a bad situation.

October found us on a quick birthday vacation, local and easy.  Forty six. How did I even get here? Upon our arrival home I finally broke down over chicken risotto, or lack there of, and my world unraveled. Funny what finally sets you over the edge. The husband was hospitalized overnight for heart and lung issues.  He was alone.  I could only drop off clothes and books at the desk. It was isolating and scary. He had a inflammation around his heart and lungs, unexplained, but curable. 

Oldest turned 20 in November. The husband was finally diagnosed with stage 3 Lyme after not being able to breathe for months. Old, shoved aside emotions reared their head as his mother's estate finally settled. We received notice that Youngest's choices from July continue to haunt him now, well into next year. The dog has a UTI, that's now resistant to two different antibiotics, but on the upside, my floors have never been cleaner.

Which brings us to December, facing the biggest snow storm in years, catching yet another pee sample from the dog for testing, with half a couch in the living room and a tired soul.  Youngest's game of chess is exhausting, and his two steps forward, side stepping back, is dizzying.  Oldest finished his semester with grades yet to be seen, and has committed to leave for the city in January regardless of cost.  My housing refinance fell though because of paperwork required by my original bank, which would render too costly and because of COVID, impossible to produce. This is the same refinance that has prevented me from securing a cosign for Oldest's tuition, thus forcing us to get creative. 

There are two weeks left in this year of years. While I remain hopeful, for 2021, the bar is low, really low. God willing if New Year's day will find us all sliding in sideways with a candy cane in one hand and cocoa in the other, with no sign of corona, I'll be happy. But more likely, if we are all still alive and completely asleep by 10pm on New Year's Eve, I'll consider it an epic win.

Until next year,

Juli

Checking In...

 

Saw this on the book of faces.  (Yes, I'm back on, don't judge me.  At least now I know I can walk away.)  I sent it to Youngest, since his manic episodes have led to much shopping (and more recently returning).  It's the compulsive click to feel better, and then, well, he doesn't. 

Him: "It will be here in a month."

Me: "Good thing Alaska doesn't use her kennel."

Him: "It's the perfect place"

 Things have been slowly getting better.  I am almost afraid to say it aloud because when I do the backslide is inevitable.  He has court on Thursday (Edit: HAD court, it was continued, his lawyer feels it will be better for him to not be virtual.) and we went to my friend's house to get him a hair cut.

Her: "So what look are we going for today?"

Him: "Not guilty."

Ultimately the consensus is that things will work out fine.  Just kind of stinks that he can't resolve it before the holidays.  But for now, he's moving on to the next thing, finding a car.  He's started working part time again, and doesn't hate it.  We went to breakfast the other day with my Mom.  His appetite is less than acceptable.  I asked him if it was the stress of court or if it was something else.

Him:  "Well, my life's kind of like a house fire right now, and all I've got is a squirt gun to put it out. But, I've let people know they need to settle what they owe me.  I figure then I can upgrade to a super soaker."

THIS is Youngest.  This, off the cuff, quick as a whip humor that I missed so much.  He's struggling still, yes.  But There's tiny, tiny, steps that say he's working through things.  He confessed a guilt to his girlfriend tonight, they broke up... again.  Not sure what's going to happen there, but just because she's good to him, doesn't mean she's good for him.  And all relationships end, one way or another.

Oldest is just about done with his semester.  I believe he starts finals this week. All I know is that this online hybrid thing sucked and he's headed to the city in January.  He's back with his old roommates in a luxury high rise dorm that he'll never be able to afford outside of college. It will be easier for him to study with his groups and learn immersed in the college experience, it's just a hefty price tag to pay.  Though, I'm mid-refinance on the house so my co-signing for him has gone wonky.  I have options, just not sure I want to use them yet. 

The hubs is on another run of antibiotics since the first one barely touched the Lyme symptoms.  Holiday is on us and we're both stretched thin which doesn't help. The dog is on the mend though, her uti seems to have cleared up nicely and while we still put them down, the pee pads are only utilized one of 5 nights now.  Fingers crossed she's good to go, because giving her pills has become an all out game of chess, and I have no idea how to play chess.

Hubs and I picked 2 things we wanted this year.  I dropped off my rings at the jewelers yesterday for the redesign I wanted. Today I picked up the new couch that Hubs wanted...

Well, half of the couch. We would have had to make two trips anyway and we already took the other couch out.  Rather than wait another week, we took what they had.  Seems the distribution center shipped out 2 lefts by mistakes.

Well played 2020, well played.