Week 39...

Dear Postal Customer,

I realize to some of you, I'm just the one that brings the bills, junk mail, and grocery flyer.  The one you'd wish would skip your house most days, except of course, when I have a package full of goodies for you. Feel free to scroll right past this post, I don't mind. 

But for the others, the ones who know me. Those I've chatted with by the box, that I've gotten ahead of your problems, before you even knew they existed, the ones that wave as I roll on by, this is for you. 

Six years ago, I made the incredibly tough decision to switch routes for health reasons, and I was not disappointed. Over the last six years, I've watched you get married and divorced, celebrate births, first days of school, move off to college, and return home.  I've watched you move out and on to new things and move your parents back home. I have watched you grieve and heal. I have celebrated every new furry friend and felt every loss as they crossed the rainbow bridge. The excited butt wiggles are the best part of the job and the hardest part to accept when they aren't greeting me at the door.

In truth, I never aspired to be killing it out there in my big white truck with flashing lights, like most of us I had other dreams, but rather fell into a twenty-year career that's helped me survive real life. Now with 2/3rds of my working years behind me, I've taken a lot of time to look at what I want the next 30 years to look like and to best do that, I need to take the opportunities as they arise. No, we didn't hit the lottery, and I can't retire early, but an opportunity to switch territory has presented itself and (after months of overthinking) I've decided to take it. Quite simply, it will allow me the ability to better take care of my family and retire when I hope to do so. 

I am not going very far, you will likely see me zipping around town as per usual. It just won't be me bring your medications or cards from your great niece. I won't be the one rerouting Aunt Edna's Christmas Card that never gets correctly addressed, or fixing what FedEx and Amazon misdeliver. I won't be your frontline for problems regarding the giant clusterf*ck that is the new and improved current postal forwarding system. I won't be the one alerting you to check on your neighbors, or making sure your son lets his little brother in the house after school no matter how annoyed he is with him. I can't help you find your lost dogs, well, maybe I can still do that, it depends on how far they wander. And while I cannot guarantee it, I have done certain things to ensure you're left in the best hands, and I will be only a few feet away from them in the office for any questions or issues that will arise. 

 I will miss you all more than you know. And I hope when you see me buzzing by, you wave like always, or even stop to chat. Because while it's no longer going to be me, I would love it to think that, over the last six years, in just those ten seconds a every day, I made a difference to you too.

(((HUGS)))

-J 

Week 38...

I'm blaming my absence on technical difficulties, along with my not paying the internet bill on time, and not promptly responding to emails. While I can pull emails up on my phone, the new way in which they appear is causing me to miss many of them and delete the others. I have actually been trying to get my computer functioning since 9am this morning.  It's now quarter to one. And truth be told, with life's distractions, I'm not even sure when or if this will post, but here goes.

The last three-ish weeks have been wet, dreary, and rain soaked. No one better be talking about a water ban this year, because we've had more than our fill.  Thankfully we are not in the hardest hit areas, nor did we get a direct hit from Hurricane Lee, but still, we've had more than our share.  As I sit typing away, we are expected to get another two inches throughout the day, much to my and the dog's dismay. 

The rain's made it a good day to sit on the phone for over an hour on hold with the New Jersey Turnpike Authority.  It seems, that within his little trip to Jersey last month Youngest zipped through several lanes of the NJ turnpike in the cash only lanes. Unfortunately, there's no online option for "I'm too stupid to read the ginormous sign" and he was hit with not one, but FOUR penalty charges for his carelessness. An hour later I was able to get a nice person on the line who waved the charges and enabled him to pay just the fees. Needless to say, he's getting an ezpass for future travels and I'm getting myself a cookie for my hard work and patience.

And while some of you may say, it's not your job to sit on hold or handle anything for him, or he'll never learn if you don't stop doing those things, let me first say that you're right. But here's the thing. Since April of 2020, Youngest has planned eight suicide attempts. I do not know how many he has actually tried, but thus far, he's thankfully been unsuccessful. There have been many things I've stopped helping with, condoning, or facilitating in those three years. Much of his struggle has been his and his alone. And in January, when he came face to face with himself and hated everything he'd become, he knew it was time for a change. The first few months were excessively difficult. And then one day, it wasn't.  He started taking care of himself. Organizing his life. Changing direction.

He turned around and headed right back to where he was headed pre-covid, back to personal health and fitness.  He enrolled in a very expensive, but nationally accredited online course to become a personal trainer. He struggled for months with the curriculum.  He learns better in a classroom, with conversation and discussion.  Independant learning is tough for him. And this subject matter, antimony, physiology, kinesiology, is hard for anyone. Nevertheless, he kept going. I spent countless hours on the phone with the company, mainly for payment issues on their end, and for testing dates.  I did that for him because I could, and often I could resolve it for him faster that way. His first deadline to test for his certification was coming at the end of September, so we scheduled it for last week, knowing full well that 40% of students fail their first go around. Fully aware we didn't have the technical setup to take it online at home, I urged him to take it in person. Agreeing, he headed over to the local college 45 minutes away for his proctored exam, and I waited to hear.

He passed.

And in that moment, I was reminded of all the things he's been up against his whole life that no one ever thought he'd get through and did. His whole life has been a series of hills to climb, which he has done with us both cheering from the sidelines and leaning on us when he got too tired. And when he fell down that mountain it was equally as heartbreaking, and downright devastating for us all. And since picking himself up off the rocky gravel of the valley below, he's climbed small hills, steady inclines. But this was his first real summit to climb since, and he succeeded. 

Now he's setting sights on new mountains, both big and small, with a renewed sense of empowerment and worthiness, with a knowingness of wanting to be here, present in his life.

So yeah, it's not my job to spend hours on hold. But if it levels out the ground so he can stand firmly and reset his mindset, I will gladly do it. 

Now if I can only figure out what I did with the internet bill.

Week 35...

 Things that made me happy edition.

The malls I spent my time in as a kid look nothing like they did back them.  Brick and mortar stores and malls are vanishing faster than squeaky toys in a dog park, and in one case, one of them has been leveled to the ground.  In its place they are building an open-air shopping experience, which if we were in a warmer area would be great, but when the weather turns cold and dismal, it lacks a lot of appeal for me. Monday the Hubs and I went to check out what's been done so far since the leveling and I have to say, I'm kind of impressed.  No, I won't enjoy schlepping my things through snow and rain (I get enough of that at work), but the layout and mix of retail stores is quite good.  The restaurants range from low to high end, and the whole plaza is easily walkable unlike some of the other openair establishments done over the last few years. 

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When I was little it was a huge treat for us to go to a local dairy farm a few towns over and get ice cream.  It was the best around, and with their expansion to our town 30 years ago, it has long become my kids favorite place to meet up with friends and wander downtown, sundaes in hand year round.  On Tuesday, after 60 years of being in business, they went on the auction block. The high bidder paid 1.7M, a bit over market value, but he just couldn't see it go to condo developers. Turns out, the winner is the owner of another long-established dairy farm in the area, where my kids went many times with their grandparents to indulged in chocolate milk and sweet treats in the summer. It's crazy how something so simple can make me so happy.  And if they take over the existing lease downtown as well, we just may take advantage of their delivery service for weekly glass bottles of chocolate milk.  It. Is. that. Good. 

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The correct hose & attachment arrived for the toilet yesterday, free of charge.

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The heat and rain has subsided at least for a while. The windows in the house can be open all day. The nights are getting crisper.  

Fall is coming.