Soundtrack Of My Mind....

 "For a while there it was rough

But lately I've been doin' better

Than the last four cold Decembers,

I recall..."

Youngest: You want some pizza?

He sits and waits for my reaction as I eat his newest creation.  Being gluten free, we often make a lot of things at home. He's back in the kitchen, getting creative with seasoning, vegetables, meats, and cooking styles. He used to cook all the time.  It's been years since he's been excited about it.

Y: Is the pizza good?

Me: It's actually the best I've had in a long time.

Y: That's becasue I added extra seasoning and pepper into the sauce.

Despite the mess he leaves, and the unreasonable amount of pans he uses, I am thrilled he's cooking again. He often offers to cook dinner, pasta, pizza, shepherd's pie. Last weekend he asked if I could teach him how to use the grill. We have a blackstone flat top, so it's a bit different than your standard chargrilled grates, and he was home the day I spent three hours stripping it back to bare metal, re-seasoning it.  Even he's not brave enough to mess with it after that. This cooking, along with voulentarily ensuring he takes extra vitamins, has lead to healthy weight gain, and my boy wwhoat his worst, once resembled a skelton at 120 pounds, is now a healthy 180 pounds of muscle who long boards, bridge jumps, rock climbs, hikes, and kayaks. 

I came home the other day from work, short on time, with a to-do list a mile long.

Hi Mom, I made soft pretzels, you want one?

Hell yeah I did, I grabbed one as I headed out the door to walk the dog.

Hold on I'll go with you.

He and I walk the dog together at least three time a week now. He actually keeps pace with the dog, slowing down for her. We talk. He tells me his plans. He's still struggling to find full time work, but has enough in savings to cover his bills for a bit. For now he's gone back to an old job and is looking into the possibility of just working his way up through them for now. He went with us, all of us, when we went to a huge antique show in New Hampshire. Two and a half hours both ways in the car, no complaining.  He went with us to Rhode Isalnd to see the Danish Troll sculputes. What was supposed to be a 6 hour trip became ten, and again, no complaints.

"I've found my mind, I'm feeling sane,

It's been a while, but I'm finding my faith

If everything's good and it's great,

Why do I sit and wait until it's gone?"

Truth is, I have no idea what's changed, or how long this will last. In the past he's only gone a few days or a week and then he's back in the sprial. But this, has lasted quite a while now. Two months maybe? He's met a nice girl, her parents like him, we like her. We are working together to sell through much of his old life, money he's then reinvestiing in his stock portfolio and Roth IRA to build the life he wants. There's been no talk of moving out, or how much he hates *eye roll* living with his parents, but rather a more realistic plan of paying off his car, lowering his debt ratio, and then looking into buying a condo.

He's engaging in conversation.

He's participating in the house.

He's a better brother.

He's telling me where he's going, texting when he's not coming home.

He's hugging his grandparents.

He's saying thank you.

"And I thank God everyday,

for the (boy) he sent my way,

But I know the things he gives me,

He can take away.

Please stay...

Don't take, these beautiful things that I've got"

~Benson Boone,Beautiful Things