What Next?

The time of COVID has effected everyone differently.

Here, we did not get the time at home.  There was no mass cleaning of closets, organizing of spices and junk drawers, or compiling of old photos. We worked. All of us. And until the science evolved, we went in everyday unsure of if we would be bringing it home to each other, or to our extended families. There was gut wrenching guilt of going to the stores, going to work, seeing people, not seeing people, going without, and not going without.

Youngest's end of Senior year was horrendous, of which I have written a lot about. Although I suspect when looking back, he will love that the dog was at his drive through graduation ceremony, stealing the show in the middle front seat of the truck. As for the rest, just a blip on the radar of his life.

We've moved now into the beginning of Freshman and Sophomore years of college. I brought Oldest into the city today for his COVID test and you could see it in his face.  He misses it. The bustle of the city, living in the dorms, his friends. He has one in-person class this semester and it just doesn't make sense for his to live on campus if 90% of the time he'd be online anyway. Commuting in one day a week saves him $12K per semester and allows him to still stay connected. He agrees this is the right move at this time, but still, his heartbreak is palpable.

Youngest has no friends at his college yet, as he is just starting his freshman year. His school is about 3 hours away, far enough away for independence, and yet close enough for me to go get him.  Which is key, because 12 hours after dropping him off on Thursday, I was back to get him on Friday.

He made some very poor choices. Stupid choices combined with mass misunderstanding, and he had to come home.  He meets with a panel to see if he can continue on, or needs to find another path. In the hours it took to get to him, I had so many emotions, but mostly heartbreak. He was allowed to take only what he would need for a week at home, as opposed to cleaning out entirely, which is the norm.  That in itself is hopeful.  He started classes online today, along with all the other students, and hopefully can resume his hybrid classes on campus next week.  The semester in itself is a hybrid, having only 10 weeks on campus (now 9 for him) and the last 4 at home anyway.

I suspect he subconsciously sabotaged himself.  No one could possibly be that stupid. When he returned home he revealed a secret he'd been hiding from everyone for over a month that quickly eclipsed his temporary boot from school. I can't put the words on paper, but it was lifechanging, and when it resolved itself a few days later, you could see a tiny speck of life come back into him.  He's eating again, with the help of some herbal supplements, and been sober since Friday.

But here's the thing.... he's not sure he wants to go back.  He says the things he loved about the school are gone.  The gym is extremely limited. The Olympic sized swimming pool is closed. The pool and foosball tables are gone from all the lounges.  They can't sit more than 5 people in the common rooms. The cafeteria is grab and go only, so while the food is amazing, you have to go back to your room to eat it or sit out on the lawn, by yourself. It's a sports school with no sports.  The 100 year old tradition of freshman orientation, usually a huge rally in the stadium seats, with smaller breakout get-to-know-you groups, and crazy hats, had been reduced to groups of 15 sitting on the lawn in their funny hats listening to it on the radio. The second day of orientation was done completely remote because of weather, and in their dorm rooms. They literally haven't been able to explore the campus, or even meet other kids freely because they can't have more than 2 kids in a room. And masking is expected at all times unless they are alone in their rooms, eating, or showering. Which technically means that even when their roommate is is the room, the mask needs to be on... including sleeping.  Which is ridiculous.

Logically he knows that the school will return to the one he fell in love with, but that's not what he's emerged in right now. His classes can be converted to all online and he can see where the restrictions fall in January if he is allowed to continue on. But the distractions of home are plentiful, and I worry that he won't stick to the schedule he needs to in order to succeed. 

He's had a mentor since he was 8 from a local club he would go to afterschool.  He took him out that first Friday night and got him to unlock the secret, that of course opened the floodgate for a tiny bit of truthfulness with the rest of us. They went out to dinner again tonight. He told his brother that he's like his new therapist.  And I'm good with that, I need all the help I can get with him. I suspect they are talking about what's next, and if it's possible for him to sit in the college meeting on Thursday as a mentor, since I am not able to. Literally, the college won't allow parents/guardians to be part of any disciplinary hearings.

Again, ridiculous.

But these were his poor choices, and his consequences. He will have to advocate for himself, better than he ever has, and hope that's enough. And then if he has the opportunity, he will have to decide what's next for himself. Tough it out on campus, remote learning, or start over entirely.

And that of course is the issue for all of us right now, right? 

Determining what's next in this year of 2020.

Murder hornets. 

Riots.

EEE outbreaks. 

Australia to California has burned to the ground, Louisiana is underwater.

Masks, no masks, follow the arrows or not.

Hurricanes, bizarre storms, micro bursts.

Stocks plummet, Billionaires somehow profit.

Our freedom, literally has left us unable to move about the world freely.

Online, offline, job, no job.

Non essential, essential, sacrificial.

Orange Man, Sniffing Man.

2020, What's next?

Let's Go There...

 

This was from the USPS's Twitter feed, as per the original content, I did not Snope it, fact check it, or otherwise, I don't feel I need to.  Because after 17 years with the Postal Service, I can tell you that + or - a few million, it's likely to be accurate.

When I divorced it became clear that with two under two, there was no way I could go back to the career I once knew.  As a single Mom there was no way I could leave my kids for 16 hours during holiday season or duck out at 2 am for alarm calls. At one point in my job search, I saw a mail lady, hanging out the right hand side of her car, delivering mail from box to box.  I distinctly remember thinking. "If I ever have to do that, I'll know I've hit rock bottom."

Six months later, I too, was hanging out of my car., and seventeen years later here I still am. Everyday I go in, deliver every piece of mail sorted to me, every package, grocery flyers and all, and make it back before the outgoing mail truck each night.  A long time ago I made the decision to be content in what I was doing to support my family.  It's not heroic, not brain science, and not rewarding. It's a job.  One that puts a roof over my head, food on the table, and pays for nice vacations when I can afford to take them. It provides us health insurance, security, and for me, human connection that has all but been lost in the way of technology.  I made the decision that while it was not glamorous, that I would be the best I could be (most days) at what I was doing.  My goal is that when people talk smack about the Postal Service, my customers will look at them and say, "I have no idea what you're talking about.  I love my mail lady."

And they have.  My customers have rallied behind me, and us, to show their support.  They ask how I'm doing physically, having volumes higher than Holiday for the last 5 months, and mentally, being the center of a political crossfire. The answer is the same... 

"We are tired.  But we got this."

And in truth, we do have this. I have roughly 650 homes on my medium sized route. If there are 2 voters in each home, and 75% of them want to vote by mail, that would be 975 pieces of mail that I would have to hand sort. I am not fast, but I am accurate.  It would take me two hours if they all showed up on the same day, which they won't. Rest assured I can get that done, and do, when the machines break down and we have to sort trays of mail, carry the grocery flyers, medications, over 250 packages, and make it back before the 630 outgoing truck.

The talk of blue boxes being removed, removing mail sorting machines, delaying mail etc. has been done for years, not just now.  And while it makes a HUGE sensational point for the media and politicians alike, it's not new.  They are calling it delaying mail, we have called it load leveling for 20 years.  Machines that are as big as a football field, that take 40 people to run, don't get turned on if there isn't enough catalogs to run them.  It's not cost effective. And while some plants and supervisors took the new PMG's directions way off into left field, just as many did not. And I assure you, the mail is rolling off the machines and into trucks daily.

They removed our mail sorting machines ten years ago.  It was part of a streamline process to have all local towns processed out of one central hub.  It cuts down on trucking costs, man power, and allows our clerks to work only our mail.  Again... it's been ten years, and our mail shows up every time, on time.

We've also removed blue boxes for years.  Every 3 months our outgoing blue boxes get counted for 2-3 weeks to see how many people are using them.  If they have less than 25 or so pieces a week, they are removed. 90% of the time these are boxes that were once in thriving areas that have gone vacant, or another blue box was installed in a more visible location. In some areas we have added boxes depending on the use that the boxes get. 

And the thought that any carrier would throw away ballots because they don't agree with that party?  It's crap. First, no one will risk their job for a handful of votes. Second, ain't no one got time for that sh!t. Seriously. I am paid by the day. This means that if I work 14 hours or 6, I am paid for 8. With the package volume now I barely make it back within my evaluation and many days work for free.  I will not waste a second on that nonsense.  Our state has nondescript ballot return envelopes, but if someone's actually concerned about it, they can always mail it back in their own envelope.  The whole thing is just ridiculous.  And rest assured, if the PO wants to track a piece of mail, they can. We do scan checks every day to verify how long mail takes to get to a customer, and track accuracy through GPS that it is getting into the correct box. I assure you, if something goes wonky, *they* will know.

As for our new PMG, he's the boss, and there will be big changes coming down the line. As employees, we get this. The Post Office needs to change and adapt if it wants to be viable.  But what the public and congress needs to remember is that we are a service, NOT a company, granted to every person in this country, that no matter what their income or location, this country provides. And while we don't make billions in profits, we don't take a dime of tax payer money.  NOT A DIME. Our costs are governed by Congress, and our price increases can not increase more than the cost of living. This is again, to ensure everyone can afford to use our services.  

That said, I do have three main areas of concern. First, the current administration's executive order to investigate the post office using tax payer money when he first took office. Not understanding how the PO works, he ultimately spent a ton of money, investigating nothing.  The only report back was upper management needing to be cut (which everyone knew) and eliminate the longevity retirement for the workers. So basically, they could save costs by eliminating the extra 1% retirement for people who retire with longer than 30 years of service. In other words, they will save money buy shorting the people who have spent a lifetime getting it done. He also froze all new full time positions for a time, because not having any idea how we work as a private entity, there was no clarification of how we would proceed with getting the job done.

Second, the postal inspectors were responsible for the arrest of Bannon for money laundering. The thought that POTUS's business affiliate was using the Post Office to launder money is more than a red flag, and deeply disturbing.

And third, the new PMG. Being a lifetime appointment, regardless of who is in office, he can stay in his position. Which is fine, but raises some concerns.  In 2014 he sold his personal logistics company to XPO, for 614Million, and still retains a 30M stake in XPO, which just happens to be the logistics company for the Post Office. He also holds an enormous stake in Amazon, who while being a major contributor, is also a major competition for the PO with their expansion of planes and fleets of private delivery trucks. With a foot in each, it's hard to renegotiate the contract for what we get paid for parcel delivery fairly and without bias. He also purchased stock options that allow him to buy Amazon stocks at a discounted rate, so if business is lost to Amazon, either through failed contract negotiation, or a dismantling of the USPS from within, he can quickly and inexpensively benefit.

Please know that this was never meant to be a political post, but rather a venting of all things hitting us at this moment. Personally I am insulted that people think that something as small as mail in ballots would devastate the postal service, a service that has survived for 240 years, through more than one pandemic. I am resentful that through it all my mail truck has kept rolling, with NO OVERTIME OR HAZARD PAY. Every other federal employee was given hazard pay for continuing to work through COVID. Ours is still being debated in Congress. I hate that we're being used as a political ploy to cast doubt on what I do everyday and take pride in doing well. Honestly, there's a lot of things I'm feeling right now, but many I can't compile into words. So for now, I will continue rolling in my mail truck, getting it done. 

In 107 degrees.  

In -7 degrees. 

Snow.  

Hail. 

Hurricanes.  

Micro Bursts. 

Fire. 

In my TWENTY NINE year old truck.

Because the very first thing the new PMG did before all the other crap the media is talking about, is stop the production of the new mail trucks.  

You know, the ones that can accommodate our package volumes, can load without injuring our backs, have minimal blind spots for accidents, have more than just one wheel drive, and don't randomly catch fire.

Because why on Earth would we need to be safe while ensuring the sanity of the mail... 

...and all those ballots?

 

 What I really need is a good pair of Spanx.  

One that can hold my life together.

Seriously.

August is winding down, and settling somewhat in a holding pattern for us.  Oldest's job extended out two weeks as the public school's don't start now until mid September. He's opted to only stay on an additional week, so as to have some down time to get ready for college.  As of now he will be commuting in for his one day a week in person lab, and the rest will be online.  If it can stay that way, it's the best of both worlds for him and with a savings of 12K, he may opt to do it again next semester. 

Youngest leaves in 11 days for college, provided he screens COVID negative once he arrives on campus. I've been suggesting smaller circles after this weekend to maximize the odds. Some suggestions have been taken, others not. Course, it helps that he totaled the car... again. If you're keeping track, he rolled a car on the highway in February, had a not at fault accident in a traffic rotary in May, and now in August, totaled another car. So with Oldest working and being gone 11 hours a day, that leaves one car for the three of us to share. Needless to say, he's spent a lot of time at home, and we're all in agreement that he shouldn't drive for the rest of the time he's home. He's also dragging his feet on figuring out the rest of what he needs for dorm life.  Yes, he has a few things that he grabbed with me a few weeks back, but if he doesn't get it together he'll be standing in the shower catching foot fungus just getting wet due to his lack of shower shoes, shampoo, soap, and a razor.

Work is never-ending, a good day now is one when I don't work over my evaluated time, also known as working for free. I spent 30 minutes in bed this morning trying to feel my fingertips. The excessive workload of people ordering stuff online has done a number on the nerves in my back and neck. And there's no end in sight, unlike Holiday season, which is dauting. And taking time off is not really an option as everyone's already running thin. The corner of the office I'm in is known as the happy corner, nothing but rainbows and unicorns.  But lately the unicorn's run off, and I'm almost out of glitter. 

So now, in the midst of regular shopping, packing, and fighting with the insurance company, we're searching for a new car.  One that's reliable and safe enough to commute in and out of the city, yet doesn't break the bank. In the mean time I have no choice but to get a rental car while we figure things out. The irony is I was at the dealership 2 weeks ago in hopes of getting rid of my car, and of course, I am upside down on it for now.  So the kids will get a *new* car, by I will still be driving the old. The old car, that as of tonight, needs breaks. Awesome.

So where were we?

Yeah... the Spanx.

Anyone got a coupon code for that?

Challenging Everything He Knows...

Youngest: "You know, sometimes I don't think that we need to be gluten free.  I think maybe it's not really a real thing, like because we can have small amounts and be okay."

Me: "Okay..."

Youngest: "So I ate a whole bag of pretzel goldfish"

Me: "And?"

Youngest: "Oh, it's real.  I feel like crap."

I'm not sure why he has chosen the last six months to question everything, literally, about who he is. For those of us who love him it has been an extremely difficult ride.  Intellectually I know he needs to find his way, to figure out who he is, and more importantly, who he's not.

There have been many ups and downs.

He's struggling with ways to cut back and or be sober for a day or two at a time. 

He really loves longboarding. When his anxiety kicks up he's out the door, rolling down the street.  Often he's back in 10 minutes, but with a clear head and focus.  

He's spending a lot of time at the beach and the pond.

He's trying to incorporate more regular work outs and time to eat real food.  He joined us out for dinner the other night.  We noted the bill was higher than it's been in a long time because all four of us where together. At first he contested, and then really reflected on how long it had been since we all sat at a table together.  Months.  He'd been absent for months.

He's struggling with his sexuality, dropping on us that he thought he maybe bi. After some discussion, and meeting the boy of his affection, he's reached the reality that deep down he's into girls. I'm not sure what he thought our reaction would be, or why his revelations wouldn't be met with adversity.  But when it wasn't, it was much easier for him to work though. And while the boy was very nice, in the end he's seems to have found a nice local girl, with whom he's decided to be exclusive with, at least until he leaves for school. Focusing on just one girl has allowed an all over calmness to him which has been really, really nice.

He's been camping, alone, randomly in the woods.  Sometimes he pitches a tent, other times he just hangs a hammock.  He says he just sits in the quiet and reads. At first I was concerned because he was literally just picking random places in neighboring towns. But recently he has acquiesced to my requests of camping at his aunt's field.  With 3 acres, he can camp in the field out front, be on private property out of danger, and pretty isolated from people. And he loves the sound of the train at night.

He's spending more time at home, watching TV, cooking his favorites.

We are fighting less. Some of this is because of better choices, and more respectful behavior. Some of it is because I have just given up.  It's just not worth my effort. He knows how I feel about certain things and somedays he just doesn't care.

He tried shocking us with thoughts of getting a tattoo.  Again, I don't think he was expecting our support. So much support, that we helped him find the perfect image for what he wanted, discussed the best placements for him to weigh out, and called the shop to schedule an appointment with a world renown artist. And just like that, his urgency to get it, cooled down a bit.  I still think he'll get it, but instead of something rushed that he'll regret later, it will be well placed, meaningful, and exactly what his original intent was.

His uncle on his dad's side is circling around again.  They went out to breakfast a few weeks ago, and are going again tomorrow.  It's been 8 years since he's contacted them. I know this is something they have to work through, but I feel as if they are being set up for something.  That family is severely dysfunctional and while they know all about it, the momma in me is really having a difficult time letting them walk freely into shark cage.

He asked me last week if we could go dorm shopping.  He doesn't need much, but he wanted to pick up a few things. He picked out a back pillow, the color of which needs to be ordered online, and coordinated the micro-fridge rental with his roommate. We found quite a bit of goodies at TJMaxx, so much that we needed a cart.  As I was rolling around the garden décor, he came to me with this...

Hard to believe that we'll be packing up and moving him and his plans for world domination into is new home away from home.

26 days and counting.