Come Ride The Rollercoaster With Me....

 Him: "I need a credit card."

Me: "You don't need a card."

"I need to build credit if I want to buy a house."

"Your brother bought a condo.  He doesn't have a credit card.  There are many other ways to do it."

"Okay.  Just because you say it's a bad idea, doesn't mean I'm not going to do it."

This.

This is life with my almost 19 year old boy. I was reminded recently by Ami that I should write about whatever I needed to get out, regardless of how much of a rollercoaster it is, so today you're getting another a Youngest post. Also true to a previous post, I am working hard to change the narrative with him.  So, I told him to google some options.  Look for no annual fees, low purchase limits, ones that cater to students, no late payment interest hikes, rewards, cash back perks, miles, etc. and I would help him decide on the best one for him. That was last week.  I have yet to hear from him on the matter. My therapist says that while he knows I don't agree, he knows he can come to me to help him make an educated decision. She also mentioned something about how lucky he is that he has a parent to go to, because many, MANY parents can't and won't discuss money with anyone. So in a weird way, I'm going to put this in the win column for now.

He also asked me to help him find a hotel room in the city for his birthday.  His original plan was to throw a banger with his friends.  After some frank discussion about the times we're in, and that NO ONE is renting an 18 year old their house to party in, he wants a nice night in the city with his girlfriend-not-girlfriend. Again, after some discussion on where he wants to be, what he wants to do, etc. I gave him some options and he has yet to return to the subject at hand. Could be because shortly after they started fighting and now he's not sure what's going on. We went to see Oldest at college last Sunday, while having lunch I mentioned I'd really like to go to the local casino, get a room, do some shopping, catch a comedy show, maybe race the go carts.  From behind the menu I heard him mumble "Well I'd like to do that..." So the verdict's still out on what he's doing for his birthday. Maybe hanging with the old folks might not be so bad after all.

He's started going to the gym and started jujitsu 2-3 days a week at a training center.  He's frustrated that he's not in the shape he once was. I give him the gentle reminders that it took a lot of poor choices to get to where he is.  His lung capacity is compromised and it will take a while for it to come back.  His body has a lot of toxins he needs to work though his system before he can function where he once was. He was upset with me because he slept through one of his Jujitsu classes.  I mentioned that this was the second time this week he fell asleep and missed class and maybe, he should could consider not smoking on the nights he plans to go so he would not fall asleep before he had to leave.  He came back with a snippy, "I'm paying for it, so why do you care?" and I said that I didn't, but I know it's important to him to get healthy again so, he may want to make some changes so he wouldn't be wasting his money. 

In the mean time, I started him on omeprazole for his morning nausea.  We've tried some other things, but I thought maybe a different approach might be warranted. It takes a few days to start working so we shall see.  But I remembered that his age is when I started with heartburn, and he swallows every bit of stress just like his Momma, so it could be anxiety acid. I did notice the other day though that I haven't seen him with a nic stick (e-cigarettes) in a while, nor have I found any in the laundry. Still being mindful of flipping the narrative, I finally asked him...

"Did you quit the nic sticks again?"

"Kind of"

"Oh, well I'm proud of you.  That's a tough one to mostly quit"

"I've never had a problem before"

"That's the thing though, you don't know which time will be the time you can't quit. So I'm still proud of you for this time."

He's delaying school decisions until September.  He's going to start paying rent in April. He's saying please and thank you a lot more. And today he brought me home a bag of Cadbury mini eggs, just because. I'm not seeing any of these things as change, or even steps forward.  Because if I do, and he steps back again, the disappointment will eat me alive.  But I am trying to enjoy the small moments as they come, and reminding myself that if his bed still isn't made (after asking 4 times) I'm not the one who has to sleep in it.