Thursday, December 5, 2019

Boys Matter Too...

The relationship between a mother and her sons are different than a mother and her daughters.

They just are.

Just like each relationship with each son or daughter is different.

I have all sons.  Each relationship is different, special, and complicated in it's own way.

I'm a crafty person. I am also a dork. At times, I am the queen of dorky and it overlaps with my creative craftiness, which sometimes overflows into my Mom-ish-ness. The end result is usually a crafty gift of uniqueness that the boys either embrace fully, or accept and then promptly put it in the back of a closet where it will never be seen again.

It's no secret that Oldest's being away at college has left it's mark.  When he was returning to school from Thanksgiving break he said "You know it's weird. When I left school on Wednesday I was sad to go home.  And now that I'm headed back, I'm sad to leave home." Which, of course, is the perfect balance, right?  He's doing well at school, and has made a home there for himself.  But he still likes coming back to his big bed and handknitted blanket I made him during one of my hospital stays. The only thing he likes better than asking me if we have a dinner plan, is when I make him angel hair pasta, lightly buttered, and he can eat it in front of the TV.

Over the months I have sent him a few packages.  Some have held necessities like his ADHD meds and his SS card so he could square away his work study job, and other times it's just for fun. I've sent random snacks and dollar store toys. For Halloween I sent crime scene tape along with a plastic pumpkin full of his favorite candy. For his birthday I sent him an Office themed birthday party in a box. Every time I've visited I'm amazed that none of the other parents seem to send anything to their sons. Regardless, I have continued to send him things so he knows we are thinking of him. So, for the holidays, while it seems fun to set up a Christmas tree in the dorm, the reality is that there isn't a ton of space and he has NINE other roommates which makes it less than practical for the 12 whole days he's there before he'd be coming back home.  So I made him an advent calendar instead from the grapevine out back.  A 20 inch wreath with ribbons and ornaments, and a chalkboard hand written sign that states "I'll Be Home For Christmas".

Is it dorky?  Yes.  My husband looked at me as he was packing the truck to bring him back and said "He's not taking that. It's ridiculous."  Oldest looked right at him and said "But she made it for me."

And so it went back to the dorm with him.

I have no idea if it was hung up.

I do know that everyday I have gotten a text of what was in each ornament.

Day one he got excited about the Target gift card he discovered.  Then he sent me a picture of ornament #2 where he could barely make out the Kit Kat logo behind the tissue paper.

I told him not to cheat.

Day 3... a shareable size M&Ms.

Today he told me he had played with Day 5's yo-yo for over 30 minutes already.  I told him it was good for stress relief.  He laughed.

My relationship with him is different than that of his brother.  Youngest will not embrace my dorkiness as readily as Oldest.  He's more of the shove it in back of the closet kid.

But I know, deep down, when he goes off in September, he'll be waiting for his packages in the mail too. And secretly loving the surprise behind each door as he counts down when he'll be home for Christmas.

Because deep down, even the manly, macho, too cool for feelings, boys need to know that they are missed. No matter how much they brush it off, and say they don't care, they need to feel like they matter.

Seven days and counting...

6 comments:

  1. I think your Advent Wreath was brilliant! I am sure he is enjoying every day seeing what is in the ornaments. It is sad that other parents haven't sent any packages to their kids. I remember when my kids went to church camp years ago the parents were encouraged to send a care package and letter and the kids were only gone for a week! You think it was be college 101 to send care packages.

    So true that the relationships are different between sons and daughters with their moms and the kids themselves. I think that's what makes parenting so much fun!

    betty

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    Replies
    1. To be fair I don't know that they are not sending anything for sure. Just that Oldest doesn't seem to see it. And I understand that life gets busy, but sometimes they just need something stupid from home to turn a tough day into a good one. Ya know?

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  2. I absolutely adore this - and wish you had posted it sooner so that I could have made one to send to Man-Child's apartment!

    Yes, I firmly believe that the relationship between a mother and her son is completely different from a mother and her daughter (what do I know? I only know from what I observe of mom's with daughters) and I tried to send care packages to college, it also amazed me how few of his friends seemed to get them. He seemed ambivalent about them but I know he secretly loved them; because yes, those macho boys DO need to know that they are loved and missed.

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  3. All I know is that *I* am a daughter and my relationship with my mother is different than that of my brother's. What is that old saying? "A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife." Well, I'm NOT having that... they can be macho with everyone else, but somedays you just need a googly eye bouncy ball, a yoyo, and some skittles, ya know?

    I will keep you in the loop for next year... I'm thinking advent "trees" of stacked boxes. Maybe there will be lights, I don't know. All I know is that I'll have to make two. :)

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  4. I have one son and one daughter. Completely different relationships. I'm very proud of them both.

    I love your advent gifts and I know your son does, too. And #2 son will love his as all.

    I've sent quite a few care packages to my daughter, who needs them. My son, well, he's been married five years. And we haven't been sending stuff to him.

    We'll be hanging out with 'em for the holidaze, though.

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