Today's Mood:

The emotions are certainly all over the place for most of us, and I am no different.

Grateful that we are "essential employees" and will have paychecks coming in.  Many, MANY aren't so lucky.

Fearful that we are "essential employees" because with 3 auto immune diseases and Hub's health also compromised, we are more susceptible.

Helpful because I can sew, and have sewn 104 masks for support staff at our local hospitals, and furious that I even have to do this because of the lack of supplies.

Proud that I can bring medication, food staples, paper products, etc. to those that truly need it, and frustrated that everyone still comes to the mail box to greet me and I have to remind them of the 6 feet rule.

Comforted that Oldest get it, is staying home, engrossed in 5 hours of school work a day, video conferences with friends and the occasional 15  minute outing to the grocery store or bank ATM.

But today, it's depression.  Because despite the warnings, gentle nudging, the yelling, Youngest isn't getting it.  He's been grounded from the car because we can't trust where he's going. We've been to family therapy, it's not helping.  And while he's not as stupid as to be hanging out in large groups, he's still hanging out with his girlfriend and one or two friends. His friend that comes over to work out lives a street over.  They wash down the equipment and wear gloves. He doesn't come in the house. His girlfriend was in Florida for a bit, I'm sure NOT practicing social distancing, and came back.  She was at the house hours later, and of course I had no idea she was here until I got home from work.  At that point whatever cooties she was carting were all over the house. It's been nearly a week since he saw his other friend, which is great because if either of them were sick we'd know by now, but no... he had to make plans to see her today, spreading his cooties as well as the cooties of his girlfriend along with him. He's 18 and I'm out of ideas on how to handle this. He goes to work and argues his points of contact there are way worse than one or two friends. It's like we're all in kindergarten and lost ten minutes of recess, but there's that one kid that keeps acting like a little sh!t and extending the penalty time.

My kid is that kid.

I feel like I've failed as a mother.  I KNOW I raised him better than this. He used to care about others, but now I wonder.  "I think you're overthinking this" is all I get.  I'm not overthinking, it's math.  Basic MATH. It's one thing for us to go to work, where we can calculate the risks, mitigate the hazards as best we can.  But adding extra factors in, that's just stupid.

We are all bored.  (Well, not me, home is my favorite place to be, I can always find a project) We ALL want to hang out. But we CAN'T.  We. Just. Can't.

I ran basic numbers, compared our state to Italy based off population percentages.  Folks, we are 1,600 confirmed cases OVER where Italy was when they did their mandated stay in place. And we are still at a soft lock down here. And this is just our state.  Our state that has hundreds of people coming into it to "vacation" in their summer homes while they quarantine. Our state that can barely handle the residents we have here full time, let alone vacationers.

The feeling that we are doomed is overwhelming today.

And yet, our house has to carry on as if nothing's happening. 

And even worse, our house is carrying on with one person doesn't think anything's happening.