April 13th

"I didn't see anyone today."

"Excellent.  You saved a life"

Of course, if I had to count how many days since this all started that Youngest didn't see anyone with exception of work, that one day would be it. The daily struggle is very real.  And while he slowly gets it, he is uneducated about things, in denial, fiercely fighting the man. Yet, everyday I chip away.  I throw in random facts. 

Only 4 deaths in our county today.  Yesterday we had 11.

The rate of cases is going up, down, etc. I am comparing us to this other county, they have roughly 30% more  people but are spread over nearly twice the land area.  But their demographics are the same. I've graphed our information against ours, look at what's happening.

I'm dropping 70 masks at your old therapist's office so they can be safe while seeing clients. They can't get masks because they've never needed them before.  So they have no resources at all.

The death rate is actually higher than 2%.  Italy only has a 55% recovery rate.

The young will be the next wave.  All the vaping, they will be the next demographic.  They are starting to link the damage to the lungs with excessive vulnerability.

Some of it sinks in.  Much of it doesn't.  He is still seeing an occasional friend, unable to sit bored in the house.  There have been many fights.  I have grounded him from the car again. His brother and I had to stage an intervention for his behavior a few nights ago.  He's agreed to be more truthful.  Get rid of some of the old demons he still has lurking in his bedroom as proof he's done with that.  Work on better communication with his family, to try and restore the damage that's been done. Did it help?  Time will tell. 

Until then he is working 40 hours a week.  He has picked up a job picking and delivering groceries for people too scared to leave the house. He wears the mask I made him at work, while shopping, and while delivering the groceries. I know, because I spy on him. He is researching and buying stocks while the market is down. Nearly all of the money, he has assured me, is being saved for college.  Again, only time will tell.

And then of course, there's his school work.  Not an online learner he is struggling.  New learning has started.  Classwork is mandatory.  He has logins and assignments for every class including gym. He is frustrated, but of course can't communicate that.  I get daily emails from his teachers, councilors, and vice principals.  Comments written in frustration that have gone askew provoking more emails. He is frustrated, hell, everyone is.  His brother has agreed to help him when he gets stuck in pre-calculous.  Details on the advanced placement tests are out, and they are only being help accountable for information taught until March.  His college plans were made long before this, so there are no virtual tours, no colleges to decide on sight unseen. And while he may miss out on incoming orientation traditions, that still is a long way off. A longer way off than graduation, which he claims not to care about, but I suspect, secretly does.

I go to work everyday, as does my husband.  Bonus brother does as well, and aside from our knock on his condo window as a well being check, we have not seen him. His brother struggles through remote learning 4-6 hours a day, playing video games loudly in the off hours. The husband complains about the lack of protection from work, the stupidity of people coming in for one stamp.

I make fabric masks,  350 to date.  I sit and sew when I am not working.  The boys see this. It's impossible to not hear the clickity clack of the machine chugging away. It keeps me busy, gives me something to control.  But even in that I feel the range of emotion.  Happy I can help.  Useful.  Angry that I have to do it in the first place. Fearful that we will need them for far longer than I can make them. 

It's all so,  Unprecedented. Uncertain. Unstable.  Unknowing.

And it's making raising my last teen, getting him ready for college, nearly impossible.