Saturday, April 10, 2021

It Started Off So Good...

It was the first really nice day of the season. Seventy degrees, perfect shorts weather. In an effort to heal a jean inflicted abrasion across my belly, I've been donning sweatpants lately, and I was happy at the possibility of wearing something that resembled more of a casual outfit to work, rather than the completely given up on life look I've had for the last 3 weeks. 

I gave myself enough time to shave my legs, an all important detail when sporting the first shorts of the season.  When subjecting my coworkers with the neon whiteness of my winter legs, it's important to not add to their trauma. I found my most comfy jean shorts. They felt a bit off, but that was to be expected, right?  I mean they'd been in the back of the closet for 6 months now. 

The sunshine was slow to come, but once it broke through the clouds it distracted me enough to make several delivery mistakes.  Round and round I went delivering missed packages, picking up hold mail I'd accidently delivered, forgetting newspapers that the same customers have gotten twice a week for the last 4 years. It was embarrassing really, I am better than this.  If someone had pulled my GPS tracked line of travel it would have looked like a schizophrenic squirrel was driving. 

Somewhere between looping around and the detailed family feud of one customer about her dead mother's estate, I noticed a weird breeze and chafing feeling. Upon further nonchalant inspection, I discovered a large rip, leaving the upper backside of my thigh exposed for all the world to see. There was a choice to be made.  Have the Hubs run me pants, or pretend it's the style and carry on.

I carried on.

Determined not to derail the plans for the other half of the day, once back at the office, I headed to the bathroom, duct tape in hand, and fixed the problem from the inside out. Sadly, this is not the first time I've done this. I finished up, headed out, and onto Walmart to pick up some paint for a new project I'm working on.  And that's when I felt it.  The side of the duct tape had started to roll.  It was sticking to the inside of my leg, dangerously close to areas unshaved. What to do? I'm in the parking lot, walking slowly towards the door, trying to casually unstick my leg from my shorts without it looking like I'm picking a front wedgie. Standing in line at customer service I must have looked pained, making tiny steps shifting my hips and butt in an attempt to unstick myself. I was getting weird looks from the other customers.

Shorts stuck to me, dangerously close to giving myself an unwanted wax, legs as white as beacons in the storm, visibly uncomfortable and mentally exhausted, I was a person of Walmart now.  

No going back.

So how is your weekend going?


14 comments:

  1. Note to self: Don't use duct tape inside pants. Thanks for the warning!

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    1. Worst part is that I've done this before. Work trashes my clothes, but I've never had it roll back on me. Must have been the strategic placement.

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  2. Oh Juli! Maybe next time use the stapler to fix the issue!

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  3. Ooops. I haven't (yet) resorted to tape but I have employed a sneaky stapler. More than once. The fashion police shudder and scuttle past me. I am too bad even for them.
    I hope the rest of your day went better. Much better.

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  4. GiGi and EC... Trust me, no one wants a stapler near these chubby legs!

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  5. I admire your resolve to get the work done, no matter what it took or how you looked lol. I carry a whole spare outfit in my car for just such a case lol. May be a bit wrinkly but intact. Thanks for the Monday laugh!

    Betty

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  6. Real life has plenty of challenges--LOL! I had never duct taped clothing, but immediately saw that as a solution when you mentioned it. I shall be careful if rolling duct tape if I ever use it. Sounds like one of those days you are just glad to have made it through and gotten back home. ;)

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  7. Well that was an interesting visual... in other news, Misty's in ER with a gum infection that has everyone baffled...

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  8. Well, I'm glad you made it past the torn pants and duct tape caper without suffering any undue trauma. Like giving yourself an unplanned wax job. (OW!) Keep on smiling!

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  9. Good for you for carrying on. I'm sure I would have given up and headed home. I didn't know you could wear your own clothes to work. Our mail people are always in uniform. We should have a contest: Whose legs are the brightest white?

    Love,
    Janie

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  10. What a great tale for my early morning reading. This was very MacGyver of you (not to mention a stunning visual...).

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    1. Thanks! The mail truck I drive rolled off the line in 94. It's older than my step son. Sadly, my clothes are not the only thing I have had to MacGyver with duct tape over the years.

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  11. The Completely Given Up On Life look seems to be a Pandemic Fashion Statement and I hear it's Trending, I'm totally Rocking it... and haven't we all become The People of Wal-Mart in so many respects lately? At least you take the time to Shave. There is a type of Liberation when you get to A Certain Age where you realize you can go out any kind of way and people will just Smile Kindly and not have high expectations of how you look. *winks*

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